c.moses11

United Kingdom

Follow me on Goodreads @ Corla Moses
And on Instagram @aroundthecountryin80bookshops
Lover of all things fiction.

Message from Writer

I generally write fiction and poetry but sometimes it'll be completely random.

To The Person I Fell In Love With

April 27, 2020

FREE WRITING

4
Hey. How are you? It's been a while. You should know by now that I don't now how to start letters. Especially ones where I'm telling you things I never said when I had the chance. So, take a seat, grab a drink and prepare for a roller-coaster of emotion, confusion and potential revelation.
I never told you that I fell in love with you, and to be honest, I don't think that's something I could say to you in person, not with all we've gained and, more importantly, all that we've lost. Before you ask, I don't know when it happened, I wasn't even sure that I had truly fallen for you until my heart was broken. By you. You didn't know it at the time and I could never have told you that I was hurting, because I'd have made a fool of myself and would have appeared jealous. 
I was never jealous. I was heartbroken.
Thinking about it, I feel as though I need to go back to the start, back to when we became friends. I should have known then that nothing would ever happen between us; even as friends we saw each other differently because for me, you were my best friend. The person I relied on for advice, the person I turned to if I needed a bit of a laugh. And you know what? That was one of the best things I have ever known.
I don't know if you remember summer 2018, the summer after we met. We had classes together - English and music were the most memorable as we got to know each other then. One particular music lesson I remember is "band practice skills" i.e. us two locking (I won't name him) our drummer friend out of the practice room, him walking straight into the door and us two ending up in fits of laughter. I almost remember making the mistake of saying "that's why you shouldn't trust us two in a room together" and laughing harder when I realised that mistake. Just thinking of that makes me smile - it's a fun memory I have and I think it cements the start of our friendship. Those times continued - an English lesson where you practically fell out your seat whilst watching a scene in The Secret Garden with Maggie Smith in, and again hearing a sheep in the same film. I also remember walking from music to English with you and we got screamed/ barked at by a year 7. 
It doesn't stop there. Summer 2018 was filled with some of the best (albeit on snapchat and instagram) conversations I've had with anyone I've been able to call a friend. Do you remember staying up until 1am just complimenting each other back and forth? How about the time we were talking about alien uterus'? Amd you sent me some pretty cute snaps, which I still have the screenshots of. There were deeper conversations, and they were the most comforting. I felt I had found someone I could trust when times were a little darker, and there are some things related to those time that, if you ever see this, I'd personally like to thank you for. You always knew what to say, and when to say it. You took time out of your day to send me songs as well, and when you mix all this together, you can see why I fell for you. Quite literally, you became my Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy (to this day I still question the real reason that this was the first Queen song you told me to listen to).
So, how did we go from all this to where we are now?
People and misunderstanding. We started to drift a little after you said there was no hope  for anything happening between us. And it's funny, because if anyone else that I'd had a regular "crush" on had said that, I'd have gotten over them. But, a friend of mine showed me an old text conversation, and so I clung on to the 0.01% chance something could happen. That's probably when I admitted to myself that I loved you and wasn't willing to let you go easily. But, as time passed, things happened and people said things. And we had our first major argument. I admit, I was wrong to start that, though I'm thankful we made up after it.
But then you found someone else and I didn't know what to do. So I stopped talking to you for a bit, just so nothing would happen between the girl you fell for and I. Then, our situation escalated, and in short, here we are. I don't want to go into detail, I just want you to understand that I was heartbroken and sending me the song "Jealousy" was a very bad idea and there was no way I was going to react well to that.
I still think about you, but without butterflies. I may have gotten over my feelings for you, but you are still my first love, and that can't change. I thank you for that - you helped me grow and become stronger, you've shown me the true qualities that the person I would want to spend the rest of my life with should have and you taught me what it's like to lose someone.
Yours sincerely
C x
If you see this, then here are a few songs you should listen to that I've had on repeat (summer 2019 - winter 2019):
someone you loved by lewis capaldi
forever by lewis capaldi
tough by lewis capaldi
spread your wings (another song you said I should listen to)
happier by ed sheeran
avalanche by bring me the horizon
back to you by selena gomez
lovely by billie eilish

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  • April 27, 2020 - 5:10pm (Now Viewing)

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3 Comments
  • Anne Blackwood

    This is absolutely breathtaking. I felt as though I'd experienced all of this myself.
    Also, this section
    "One particular music lesson I remember is "band practice skills" i.e. us two locking (I won't name him) our drummer friend out of the practice room, him walking straight into the door and us two ending up in fits of laughter. I almost remember making the mistake of saying "that's why you shouldn't trust us two in a room together" and laughing harder when I realised that mistake."
    made me laugh out loud.


    12 months ago
  • Dianne

    I love this, it's so specific but at the same time everyone can relate.


    12 months ago
  • WhispersOfGray

    Wow, I can completely relate. Beautiful piece.


    12 months ago