Two Heartbeats

United States

Kind of a mixed bag of every emotions who paints words like he's putting on armor.

Message to Readers

I'd love feedback on this piece, it's very much 3 different stories and I'm less trying to weave them then imagine a common theme. Edit what calls to you.

I want to write a story

May 17, 2020

FREE WRITING

13
I want to write a story,
about an 8th grade summer love,
And a freshman heartbreak,
that wasn't so much a heartbreak as a betrayal,
Write about unkept promises,
and accidents,
But Alexa,
My tears would smear the ink;
leave my story unreadable.

I want to write a story,
About a girl who rode bikes with me in the desert,
past neon lights,
and lazers,
smiles, 
hugs,
cuddles,
sno-cones,
and all that good stuff,
But I couldn't describe to you,
How distant that is in my mind.

We rode past that stuff,
Didn't spend long enough to immerse our senses in the experience

I want to write a story,
About a boy who had his life,
turned upside-down,
Shaken up, 
and in a way I can't quite explain,
set on fire,
days before the suffering we all called 7th grade,
And how that ignited a warmth to inspire the masses,
But he hasn't overcame that,
Not with therapy,
Not through friends,
Scars fade but their permanence gives them their titles
Words have haunted him,
Actions have hurt him,

Instead I'm writing a story,
about a man with the mask of a boy, 
Who wants to be great,
Who wants to be strong.

I'm imagining the story of a man,
who's overcame all the pain,
that I'm working to overcome,
And is still standing tall,
Smiling.

I think that'd be a strong story
I'm actually writing a story/collections of poems (For my creative writing class) telling events and people in my life in the order I've lived it. I think as a teen who tries to do this kind of work I'm challenging to write about my human condition and I'm going to post a lot of the poems that tell my story on here.

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20 Comments
  • Samina

    This is really very good. I love your line "i am wearing a mask" . all your poems are raw and touch my heart ..


    9 months ago
  • sunny.v

    this is soo intriguing! you tell your stories like they’re actual plot filled music videos, which is definitely a good thing. nice nice!


    10 months ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Just like always your work is amazing Dylan. You have a way with words.


    10 months ago
  • Charisse Marison

    Wow. You've been through a lot. Sending all my love to you hon <3


    10 months ago
  • Fabiana250

    Wow. This was... wow. I don't have words to express how well written this was. I mean, it's so powerful, yet a bit innocent and really sweet, but sad at some points. It was like a roller coaster of emotions. You're a really talented guy and writer. I'll leave you my review ;)


    10 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I CAN DO IT! Link please?


    10 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    So he's gonna do his whole fancy tech guy *is-this-secure* stuff for padlet


    10 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    So my mom said maybe but my dad's on a walk rn, when he gets back he'll say if I can or not (my mom was the hard part)(fingers crossed)


    10 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Um I'm kinda confused as to what Padlet is? But even if I could get it, I am 98% sure I wouldn't' be able to chat with you guys :(


    10 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: UGH I'm not allowed to have Instagram, and the parentals probably wouldn't appreciate me being in a chat with "strangers" anyway. *sulks*


    10 months ago
  • WhispersOfGray

    You. Are. So. Sweet! Wow, I'm blushing again. Ok... give me 2 secs, I need to breathe. In, out, in, out. Ok, hold on. What did you want me to do? Look for you on Instagram?


    10 months ago
  • WhispersOfGray

    Oh yikes, wait! I just realised what I said. No, I don't mean this pfp is better than the other one. I mean, the guy in the other one's so cute, hold on, wait, was that you? Oh man. Ok, I just meant, I don't know what I meant. My face is bright red right now. Sorry, I have a knack of embarrassing myself and babbling. Which is what I'm doing right now. Okay, sorry, I'm so silly!


    10 months ago
  • WhispersOfGray

    Sorry for writing on this piece, but I just noticed you changed your pfp. I just had to tell you that I love it! It seems kinda... you. Sorry if I'm being strange. Also, I love your message coz' it's so true. People always have conditions. Love should be unconditional. I'm glad someone else is on the same page as me.


    10 months ago
  • WhispersOfGray

    Replying: Thank you! That's sweet, Dylan. Mhm, I'm over it, over him.


    10 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Thanks for the comment. Normally, I'd use the word "with" and not "and" (and I almost switched it ten times), but for the purpose of this piece, I think I'm gonna keep it. Since it's going to be part of a five stanza poem by the end of the writing streak week (that I already have a loose plan for), I had to keep that in mind.


    10 months ago
  • Dmoral

    "My tears would smear the ink; / leave my story unreadable."
    favorite lines, every word has power and makes the reader's heartbreak. and i know it's sorrowful and raw-that's what makes me love it. the pain's real in this piece, and you express that beautifully.


    11 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Also I just wanna give you a hug and if that's sounds odd then whatever I guess ur gonna have to get used to it XD because I'm not gonna stop being weird


    11 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I cannot get over how candid and beautiful your writing is. This piece is so wonderful, and I wish I could find a better way to compliment it so I could do it justice. You have such a unique and special talent.


    11 months ago
  • WhispersOfGray

    This is powerful. So beautifully written too... it actually made me cry. I love how personal it is, you forge a connection with the reader, if that makes sense. It's raw and emotional, there is nothing in my opinion that needs to be edited except maybe for the second verse. It's kind of choppy at the end of a couple of the sentences. Like, instead of "past neon lights, // and lazers," you could put that in one sentence. And "smiles, // hugs, // cuddles, // sno-cones" could also be put in one sentence, just so that it flows a bit better. But it's still a brilliant piece either ways! Keep writing, you :)


    11 months ago
  • Samina

    Wow, great attempt!.


    11 months ago