Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I love the mood of this piece. It is so saddening, and masterfully created. Kind of reminds my of Oliver Twist.
Consider using capital letters and grammar. The words don't seem to agree with the current format. You can keep it completely lowercase too, but then make it more like a poem, or stream of consciousness.
This piece, as the beginning of a story, has so much potential. Keep writing, I'd love to see more.