Peer Review by HelpMe512 (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?

Flos Amoris Chp. 2

By: Westley


Malteen dried his hair with a towel. The towel seemed to absorb all negative thoughts. The unwelcome unforgiveness and unacceptance crowding his mind. He released all the tenebrous thoughts crowding his head.

He pulled a tank top on, above his jeans. He swiftly combed through his light, blond, hair. His light turqoise eyes gazing back at him from his mirror. Asking a simple questiom: What will today bring?

It being Wendsday, the shop was closed. Malteen kept it closed every wendsday, because business was slow, and it was nice to have a break in the middle of the week. After all, it was summer. You know what they say, Live while you're young!

Upon Jack's insistence the two of them would be going to see a horror movie today. Not quite Malteen's genre, but Jack was very persistent. He was to meet Malteen outside of the shop at 11:00 am.

Seeing as the clock currently read 10:07, Malteen decided to make himself a breakfast burrito. He threw it on a plate and into the microwae. He then knelt down to pet his cat, "Looking lovely today, aren't we Candy?"

She purred as he ran a hand over her back. Meanwhile he could hear the microwave droning as it spun his burrito in circles. He stooped over and planted a kiss on her head. He then straightened up as the microwave started beeping.

He was quick to drop the plate on the counter. He drew back his hand, popping a finger in his mouth. Ouch! That burns.

After waggling his finger around in the air and letting the burrito cool off he finally ate his breakfast. He filled Candy's dryfood and water bowls before sticking his wallet down into his pocket and heading out the door.

After a minute or so Jack pulled up, "Are you ready pretty boy?"

Malteen blushed and got into the car, "Shut up."

Jack laughed, "I'm only kidding! It's not like we're on a date."

Malteen gave him a look, "Pretty close actually. Your 'admirers' better watch out."

Jack stepped on the gas and they pulled away, "You know, you really should have gave your shop a better name."

Malteen turned around briefly to look at the sign. It simply read: Floral. Admittedly not the most creative or intresting name, but it got the point across. It was surrounded by pretty little flower designs.

"You never were the most masuline of the bunch," Jack noted.

Malteen rolled his eyes, "What's this movie about anyways?"

"Clowns," Jack whispered ominously.


Malteen shuddered as he stepped out of the movie theater, "I'm never eating a cucumber again."

Jack gripped onto his arm, crying. "Prisilla!" He made a chocked sobbing sound. "Why did she have to die?"

Malteen padded his back. Evantually they calmed themselves as they reached the car. Jack checked his watch, "I didn't realise it was this late."

Malteen made a thoughtful face, "Want to go out for dinner, on me?"

Jack pumped his fist into the air, "Absolutely! Who am I to turn down free food?"

"It would certainly be out of character," Malteen mumbled.

After a lovelty dinner at the local WcDonald's Jack dropped Malteen back off at the shop.

"Thanks for dinner," Jack said as Malteen stepped out.

"Of course," Malteen replied

"And what time am I suppsoed to show up tommorow?" Jack double-checked.

"10:00 am, same as always," Malteen reassured.

"Right. Enjoy the rest of your evening!" Jack told him.

"You too!" Malteen waved him farewell.

Malteen stepped into the shop, going through the back into his house.

"I'm home!" He called out.

He heard a mew as candy came running. He bent down, "Hey sweetie! Did you miss daddy?"

She purred and rubbed up on his side. "It's dinnertime!" He exclaimed.

He followed Candy as she went running into the kitchen. He opened up a can of food and set it down on her food mat.

He placed his wallet on the counter before heading into the living room. He grabbed his TV remote, then turning around to face the couch.

The remote fell out of his open hand as his jaw dropped. 

Who was the man sleeping on his couch?

I wrote the ENTIRE chapter, but my browser glitched, and everything deleted, and didn't save. I really hate this right now. The chapter was perfect, and now I have to rewrite the entire thing.

Anyhow, thanks for reading chapter 2! Go check out 1 if you haven't already. But truly, thanks for the read, I've had this project in mind for a while now. 

In this chapter 2 new characters where introduced. One being candy, Malteen's loving feline friend. When he moved into this building he bought her for company. She is a rather chunky, orange persian longhair.

And the mysterious man sleeping on Malteen's couch! Who could he be? Stay tuned to find out!

Peer Review

I really liked this chapter! You did a really nice job building Jack and Malteen's relationship (I totally ship them), and left it on a cliffhanger! Awesome!

Something I noticed os that you stray away from commas and make separate sentences. This can make the writing choppy and difficult to read. You should try to connect more thoughts instead of making separate sentences. Lastly, you make each action a sentence, but you can put two or three actions into a single sentence. It makes it more interesting because every sentence doesn't start with "He did this".

Reviewer Comments

About that thing in the footnotes about your browser crashing, I'd recommend writing your drafts in google drive, and then copying it to WTW. Google drive autosaves, so that might help you again.