N.

United States

i've never been one for theatrics, and yet...

september 2018 - august 2020

if i can't escape my fate, then i will make myself a story

Message to Readers

hello hello i'm sure some of you have already seen this piece; i have changed some things to make it fit the competition better and i would still love any sort of feedback you can give!

and because i didn't put it in the footnotes, i want to make it clear that i do not hate religious people, i do not hate catholics, i do not hate anyone. being brought up in a school where i was constantly fed damaging and one-sided information has dramatically altered how i experience the world now. i do not mean to offend anyone, and if you are happy with your religion, then more power to you. i don't mean to offend with this piece, but i feel that my stance is justified.

to the hypocrites who raised me

April 20, 2020

 i.
my fifth grade teacher wouldn’t tell me why
women could not be priests;
she muttered some latin words
alpha and omega
like she knew what she was talking about.
then she told me to sign the detention book
(i made her look foolish)
(i made sure she saw the male pronouns i scratched out in my workbook)

ii.
the first time i bled was in church
and if you had ever read the bible’s words on periods,
you would’ve wished you’d been born a man.
now i take pleasure in knowing i desecrated that place
by doing nothing but what god intended.
for we are not ashamed of breathing; we are not ashamed of life;
we are ashamed of how we got there.

iii.
my sex ed was
are you there god? it’s me, margaret
&
romance novels
because by the time they showed us the girly video,
half the class was on their period
and when the other schools taught about stds,
we were watching jesus christ superstar.
(because you can’t get stds if you’re catholic)
but i can keep the holy spirit between me and my dancing partner,
so i think i won that trade.

iv.
how terribly naive is it that the women who ran the local resource center
told us that the public school kids were filthy?
heathens, animals, creatures of god because they have not accepted his word.
i couldn’t tell if the women were referring to themselves
or people who dared disagree with them.

(i made sure to tell them their program sucked in the survey)
 
they told us let’s all spit in a cup and drink it,
because your only worth is a face behind a veil
and an untouched womb;
you are a fresh field of snow;
who could ever love someone with footprints?

v.
my teacher told us that it rained because
god was crying; people could marry whoever they loved.
they wouldn't pretend our love didn't exist;
instead they told us to reject our existence.
“god calls some of us to be single, after all”
 
half the women in that building were single;
(if i had come out to them, would they have done the same?)
(or would i have spent the day in adoration?)

our fourth day of summertime pre-initiation indoctrination
was meant to be the day of demoralizing lesbians
and ridiculing transgender people,
because lgbt was just a colorful agenda to destroy the family.
the town flooded instead.
(i guess god performs miracles after all)

vi.
in seventh grade we were eating lunch in our plaid skirts
and constricting polos;
hannah said she hated democrats.
i wish i had said they hated her too;
(instead i pretended to be conservative)
because i was already enough of a target.

and this moment sticks in my mind like the honey on my sandwich
stuck to my tongue that day, because i am weak;
i am a mouse and my voice has been dismissed too many times
when i try to placate the upset.

i will never pretend again.

vii.
one-sided is cherry-picking verses from a book written to police the bodies of those unfortunate enough to hear its words;
a book written by those lucky enough to get their corrupt paws on ink and papyrus;
a book written solely to justify hatred as love through divine threat and damnation.
 
i will not be another barefoot wife of the church,
for my job is not to create armies of your bidding; i think, father, you forgot i have a brain too.

if hellfire exists, i'm already there
and it is beautiful
because i'd rather be a creature than a saint if it means i can love everyone,
and creation is whatever i want it to be when i am left to reflect on what i have lost.

i will never pretend again.
reflecting on my days at a catholic k-8 school.

*almost the same as my other latest piece, with some minor edits to make it more competition-friendly.
 

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  • April 20, 2020 - 7:01pm (Now Viewing)

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12 Comments
  • spurtsofdarkness

    @kit-kat sully i'm so sorry what that was so stupid i couldn't even process most of the lines-anyway, the time has come to put this back on the dash and

    SAY! IT! LOUDER! FOR! THE! PEOPLE! IN! THE! BACK!


    about 1 month ago
  • Kit-Kat Sully

    As a Christian girl, I just have to reply. Jesus never said that women had to stay single. I've never read that command in the Bible. God did however call us to stay pure. To me, this simply means that I shouldn't have sex, etc. until I'm married. I don't want to waste what I have on anyone. I want to save myself and give it all to the person I marry (this is a topic super awkward for me to answer, I think I sweating.).

    I don't know who taught you those things you wrote about. But, my perspective is that God is love. His word, the Bible is His love-letter to us. It tells of how He died on a cross, He bore our sin and shame so that we could have new life in Him. Heaven and Hell are both VERY real. God doesn't send us to Hell. It's our choice.

    Hell is a place of suffering and utter darkness. But the good news is that our past mistakes and failures can't define us if we've accepted Christ as our Lord and Savior. That's why He died. He died so that we could have new life in Him in Heaven when we die.

    I didn't try to write this to "ruffle any feathers", I just wrote this simply to tell you what I believe. To tell you and anyone else that reads this that not all "Christians" are like what you've written. In fact, I've never met any Christian like that. A true Christian's goal should be to tell others about God's love for the world; to tell them that there is hope, that there is a God who loves them, and even died for them and their sins. I hope this didn't offend, and if you have any questions I would love it if you would ask on one of my pieces.

    I'm sorry this is SO long.
    Love, your friend,

    - Kit-Kat Sully


    about 2 months ago
  • spurtsofdarkness

    text-based enlightenment


    about 2 months ago
  • sunny.v

    i know i’m just finding this now, but wow. this is nothing short of absolute gold. it touched me on an extremely personal level, and i think i can relate 100 percent. i also grew up in a baptist christian school and was fed one view of the world that, needless to say, really, really damaged me to this day. i think you can relate to that, though, especially with how true and raw and genuine this piece is. growing up in such a conservative and false-cheery, preachy school, they always taught me that evolution was the devil, that wanting to stand out was arrogant, that being proud of yourself meant putting yourself above others, that putting yourself first was downright selfish. as a kid, that stuff just soaks into you. i’ve left the school long since, but it still sticks with me to this day. shit. as another queer (wlw, specifically, but i don’t want to assume anything for you haha) person growing up in such an environment, there’s due mental scars. and you really summed all of that up, honestly, better than what i’ve hoped to articulate in such pieces. this is definitely a piece super personal to me. thank you for writing it, i’ll hold it close to my chest!


    4 months ago
  • Wicked!

    This is just so brilliantly written.


    6 months ago
  • Root

    I have a very similar story as an enby who goes to a public school—we’re going to continue to grow as a society, but it truly sucks to be one of the ones to live through it, as you perfectly expressed in this poem.


    6 months ago
  • jaii

    catholic school "girl" (*cough* enby *cough*) and i relate to this on an extreme level. the way woman and queer people and many other marginalized groups are treated by certain religious people because they took certain parts from the bible and warped it to fit their own bs view of the world is honestly... sickening. one of the many reasons why i decided shortly after enrolling in my catholic school that i will never ever be religious again. you show this in a quite ironically godly way and i praise you for it. it seems like the judges for this competition are gonna have a hard time picking between so many wonderful poems such as this one.


    6 months ago
  • mia_:)

    great work! you're so strong and talented! i absolutely love this piece; it gave me a different perspective!


    6 months ago
  • mira ♡

    i love your piece it is powerful and emanates strength. go u <3


    6 months ago
  • joella

    your writing is eloquent but succinct; I can feel the passion and emotion emanating from this piece. this is really amazing- good luck :)


    6 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    The fact that people can be so hateful and then slap on labels like Christian and conservative makes me nauseous. So sorry about this.


    6 months ago
  • jun lei

    ayyy you entered!! i love this!! good luck!! (ok i'll ease up on the exclamation points).


    6 months ago