Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
the way you place emphasis on pronouns and your identity, and you weave it all together into raw words really touched me. it made me uncomfortable for you, if that makes sense, almost as if i was feeling your anguish and i was in your place.
perhaps, like the way you put in anecdotes to highlight struggles with your brother, you could put in more with your other experiences? i feel as if it would add to the piece if you put more “faces” to the points of view.
the way you repeat things makes it seem like a pained thought process. that really adds to the whole tone of the piece, but i feel as if some parts could be clearer and more cleanly executed. i think the thought process overall could be more neat. i like the way you connect your ideas between sections sometimes, but i feel as if you could make it more clear/prominent that that’s what you’re doing. finally, i believe personally that it’d be more impactful if you separated certain lines, just to give that extra emphasis! great job with this piece. i hope you find peace one day!