Maryam

Canada

Maryam
Book lover
Aspiring author
Poet
Animals!!!<3
Did I mention books?

Please Help!

April 17, 2020

FREE WRITING

6
I need a opinion about which poem is better. It is EXTREMELY important! If you could please take the time to read and leave a comment about which one you prefer, I would appreciate it sooo much!
In return, I am willing to send out peer reviews fr anyone who commenst on any of their pieces!


STAR DUST
If I take the chance
And hold your hand
Will you take to 
A whole new land
Where love is in our eyes
And sunshine on our hair
Where our laughter flies
And tears are rare
The shy can be pink
Or red white and blue
And the sun winks 
As the clouds wave to you
Where stars can be found 
In our very being
And we are never bound
To simply believing
For we have the power 
To do as we like
So listen here
And listen right
You are made of stardust
Waiting to explode
Fearing the greatness
That your to afraid to show 
But when life brings you down
Take hold of the hand
It will bring you back
To this majestic land

and....


All My Life
I'm so sick of hearing
Others version of me
The words they use so freely
As if they don't hurt me
All my life 
I've been called
Boring
Serious
Know-it-all
Words are used
Phrases are thrown
Hurt I feel
And they don't seem to know
All my life 
I've been called
Quiet
Lonely
Doesn't talk at all
Don't you realize?
That I don't speak
Because when I do
Your judging me
All my life 
I've been called
Ugle
Stupid
Tries-too-hard
Ever stop and wonder
Why we’re not friends? 
Just look at our interactions
From beginning to end
And through all this
I've been taught
Not to listen 
When they talk
Ignore what they say
For I know it's not true
And even if it is
Who are they to say so?
And honestly?
Why should I 
Will it affect me?
When I know
That they don't know me
Too boring? Don't hang with me
Too serious? Only cause to you, everything is a joke
Know it all? Compliment
Don't talk? Wonder why
Ugly? Better than false beauty
Stupid? Thought I knew it all?
Try-hard? I value my future, hun
Thanks for your opinion
 but its not wanted
I'll be who I am
Weather or not you like it
All my life 
I listened to your words
Now it's time
I listen to my own



Thank you sooooo much!

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  • April 17, 2020 - 1:58pm (Now Viewing)

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8 Comments
  • Tushar Mandhan

    I think star dust is better......doesn't mean all my life isn't but star dust is more unique and beautiful!


    6 months ago
  • Astrophile

    ALL OF MY LIFE! I can relate so much! I loved both but I going with the second. :)


    7 months ago
  • Princess Maria

    Star Dust!!!! So pretty and makes me think of a fantasy novel. It should be a song in a fantasy novel too if you feel like writing one.


    7 months ago
  • mia_:)

    Is this for the spoken word? All My Life is definitely the choice there, since it's so raw and emotional and honest. However, I love your descriptions and rhythm in the first one! Both are great picks, but if it's spoken word, i'd go with the second


    7 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    I like them both, but I prefer STAR DUST. It has more of that lovely imagery and feels less moody (gosh that sounds mean I don't mean that as an insult I promise) and more timeless.


    7 months ago
  • uninspired

    I really liked All My Life. I think it's very raw, and it sounds beautiful... they're both great! but I would pick All My Life:)


    7 months ago
  • Cheshire Cat

    also, I was wondering if u wanted to enter in a comp of mine


    7 months ago
  • Cheshire Cat

    I prefer the second one


    7 months ago