Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I really liked this beginning. You do a really nice job world-building, and this is a very good introduction with all the background details.
A lot of the stuff I highlighted was grammar-based. One thing I noticed was that some of the actions are a little bland. You should use more exciting synonyms for words like "said" and "went", just to keep the reader interested.
Congrats on winning the contest!