Peer Review by Imogen Poulter (United Kingdom)

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And we can only ask ourselves -

By: Cosmogyral


 - What happened?

 I used to dream of outer space,
and dancing with wildflowers,
and kissing the rain.

 I used to sneak out all the time as a kid,
and go to the park,
and play with the neighborhood kids.

 Now I sneak out of the house
to go to the park
and pretend I don't exist.

 Because being surrounded by the
buzz of empty air
and desolate memories

   Is a far cry better than
being in a home where familial love
is running thin


Message to Readers

constructive criticism and open thoughts are what I'm aiming for


Peer Review

The angst and desire to belong amongst adversity is so powerful.


I wouldn't repeat kids in the second stanza, however this is a minor adjustment to help the flow, not a major flaw at all.


'Familiar love' strikes a strong chord with people that love their families but are growing apart- the conflict between the two ideas is what makes the pain so intense.


The simplicity is cleverly incorporated with the metaphors describe states of mind because often they cannot be captured with contemporary terms.


Reviewer Comments

Well done!