Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
I like the newfound sense of purpose you propose in this piece, I can feel the lightening you feel more towards the middle of the poem, and I think that's lovely. It's essential to be able to convey those feelings to the reader, and you do that rather well.
have you tried writing this poem in reverse? Like "It ended with the trembling sand, the cautious creak of the wheels, and the dying temper of the engine", sort of like that. I think the poem would better fit the tile if it was in a more reverse stage
A little bit of grammar touch-ups here and there, and some shifts in the punctuation, and I think you'll be pretty fine. It's a good piece.