Peer Review by Cosmogyral (United States)

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By: EAurora


It starts with trembling sand
and cautiously creaking wheels,
then the rev of an engine,
the shooting-star-streak up a dune,
giggles pouring from sun-striped skin;
and then suddenly we are flying,
whipping between roaring wind
and the careless tremor of the buggy
beneath us, and my eyes are burning
with some new kind of purpose,
and I have never been so aware of
my eyelids and the rippling of breath
over the roof of my mouth,
and suddenly I lose myself and
I am everything - the spitting sand and sun,
the shivering sky - and there is nothing
but me and all the small things,
and the treasure of my heart
beating as fast and for as long
as it possibly can and no more,
and I can finally see -
I can suddenly see that
this is all there ever is
and all there ever need be.

Escapril Day 15 - Euphoria

Peer Review

I like the newfound sense of purpose you propose in this piece, I can feel the lightening you feel more towards the middle of the poem, and I think that's lovely. It's essential to be able to convey those feelings to the reader, and you do that rather well.

have you tried writing this poem in reverse? Like "It ended with the trembling sand, the cautious creak of the wheels, and the dying temper of the engine", sort of like that. I think the poem would better fit the tile if it was in a more reverse stage

Reviewer Comments

A little bit of grammar touch-ups here and there, and some shifts in the punctuation, and I think you'll be pretty fine. It's a good piece.