Peer Review by HelpMe512 (United States)

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After You Left Me

By: ava09 (sorta back)

After the laughter, after the long summer walks, after picnics in the park, after biking through town, after going on runs, after doing work outs together,
after writing letters and promising to send them our senior year, after the I love yous, after the hugs, after the endless questions, after the cuddles,
after flirting with all the boys, after plans to go to the river together, after we had our college all mapped out with me in England and you in Spain and us meeting in France on the weekends,
after you showed up at my house with no warning because you missed me and didn't feel like texting,
after you called me for hours everyday when the Wifi in our house wasn't working so neither was my old phone but our house phone was,
after you wanted to leave our friend groups hangout early so we both went back to your house to hang out for house longer,
after we baked brownies and bread in your kitchen, after we planned our weddings, after we decided we'd grow old together and be best friends forever.......

After you broke your promises, after you stopped talking to me, after you avoided me in the hallway, after you said you wanted to make up, after you texted a reply to my letter after a whole week,
after you went behind our other friends back, after you lied to them and said we were never best friends, after you denied it all, after you talked about me behind my back,
after you said hi to our two friends but then when you saw me you looked down and away and said nothing,
after you ignored my comment about how you and one of our friends were dressed similar but then you repeated what I said almost word for word a second later so I know you were listening,
after you asked another friend if you had any toilet paper on your clothes because you're paranoid because of what happened to your grandma at her prom and you had to explain the whole story to her and you knew I knew exactly why and would never lie to you but you asked her anyway right in front of my face,
after you looked through me ever time you saw me, after I saw your dad and your brother and I had a breakdown, after my friends told me to forget about you and to just move on already,
after I put all the feelings down and away, after I tried to move on and forget but I couldn't, after you ruined trusting people for me forever,
after I cried myself to sleep night after night after night, after I made all my wishes on you, after I realized we would never have a forever.......

After I moved on, after I got new friends, after I fell in love, after I started to trust again, after you still didn't leave my head, after I finally said "I hate you I hate you I hate you" even though I don't,
after I tried to let it all go, after I wrote you another letter but this one I won't send, after I realized it wasn't all your fault but mine too, after I sat in my room and cried,
after I thought about texting you to make sure you're okay, after I decided not to because the past should stay in the past,
after I flinch every time I hear your name even after all this time, after I learned to hide the tears and the pain because no one likes rehashing old drama,
after i realized I still wasn't over it, after I had too much time to think, after I trusted someone knew and cried for an hour afterward because I was so scared he'd leave me because of what you did
after I talked to my friends and they told me what I was trying to tell myself that he's not you and they aren't you none of them are you,
after I agreed but then I started to think that maybe that was the problem, after I sat down and wrote this and thought some more,
after I cried again, and wrote some more, after I stopped scrolling through the old photos, after I put the birthday card you made me telling me you loved me and I was your "bestest" friend away,
after I finally gave up on any forever and started making my own forever just not with you.......

After you left me, you broke my heart for the first time. That milestone will never belong to a future boyfriend.
You did. My best friend.
So I suppose I should thank you. I don't think any relationship breakup will ever top the pain of being abandoned by your best friend; the person who is always supposed to be there for you. You.
And now? Now I'm here.
Still broken. Still shattered. Still unable to trust people like I used. Still can't look you in the eyes.
It's been over a year since you left me, and I still don't know how to be.
My life has become two parts: Before and After You Left Me.

Welp that ended up being longer than I anticipated. I guess I needed to write about this again. Sigh. Hope you all are having a great day. :)

Message to Readers

Any and all feedback welcome!

Peer Review

Woah. I'm honestly shocked by how amazing that was. It puts perfectly to words how a platonic breakup can be just as heartbreaking as a romantic one. Losing friends can be so difficult, and this piece is is so sad and relatable. I especially loved the last part.

I wish I could have added more comments, but I legit couldn't think of anything. It's written really well, and this style is very loose with grammar so there wasn't exactly much you should change.

My favorite detail was how you painted the friendship initially. It made me smile thinking back to my friendships and how amazing they were.

Reviewer Comments

This is amazing. Never stop writing.