Dmoral

United States


est. 2018
she/her | junior
semi active; chaotic life.
published writer + classics enthusiast.
obsessed with name titled poetry & songs.

Message to Readers

enjoy my lowercase prose short story! i'd love feedback! if you review, could you please look into-
-grammar & spelling
-places to expand and/or clarify
-hard to read/confusing spots
-favorite line
-if the bolded parts work for this piece

and commenters feel free to tell me what you liked and/or any ideas you have!!

btw, yes i should be asleep right now but i could care less ;)

every ending has a beginning; but yours won't happen if you stay a star and refuse to fall

July 26, 2020

FREE WRITING

12

girls wish on you like a dandelion, yet you're blown away too easily, and they're too naive to see you won't ever make their desires a reality.

she curls into my body and i stroke her hair, still thinking about other girls and needless things. they claim we don't have feelings and everything comes easily to us, but if only they knew. when you're made of stars it's hard to pretend to live a mundane life and take part in mortal things. every time humans walks by i can feel their energy burning inside me. and i suppose it's not their fault for letting their little confessions slip, hoping i can change things. but i'm not ready to fall, i've seen my sister as a shooting star and i didn't like it at all. that was her destiny, and i made sure it wouldn't end the same way for me.

secrets don't make friends, but they keep them.

vela. she thinks in murmurs, soft and delicate. will you promise me forever?
the words send shivers down my spine and vomit threatens to escape from my mouth. repulsed, i pushed her off me and hopped off the couch. we talked about things like this, told her cliches are what stars hated most. at first, she didn't believe me, but after it didn't take much convincing. and though i was the one who heard her thoughts, it was still her fault for thinking such things.

you steal kisses so easily, something most have to wrestle to get.

"i can't do this anymore," i say after i've wiped the idea of her off my hands. i can feel my heart pulsing through my bones, my hollow, hollow bones. quickly, i leaned in and brushed her lips with a kiss, tasting the hope mixed with sorrow as i shared my goodbye. when i drew back, i ignored the hurt in her pale, lifeless blue eyes and snapped off the silver necklace from her neck. lockets were filled with dreams that kept my energy burning.

you hate writing about the same old things.

it's easy to tune out cries when you're used to them, but i respect her enough to let the door shut quietly while i walk out. slowly, i made my way down the sidewalk, eyeing every pretty girl who dares look my way. there are far too many countless beauties in the world that you begin to lose track about which ones you've taken home. i told my last lover that she was the only one for me, but lies cost nothing so i give them away. it's the truth that'll make you broke, so i keep it hidden and locked in a safe place.

murdering a ghost.

leave me alone.
let me be free to do as i please.
invite me to dinner and other family things.

thoughts leak from people's mind before they even see me and i can't help but catch them in my greedy hands, only to let them slip because i don't actually want them. except one, one thought sticks to my fingers.
i want my sister to go away.
nothings ever seemed so toxic. those words a curse to be thinking. this person's a sinner, i know it. no being should wish such things. if this is fate taunting me, i better make sure she gets my message right away.

never leave blood on your hands.

i take my new temporary lover to a diner i don't much like, so it gives me another reason never to go back. she smiles with her heart and eyes shine with hopeful pride- for a second i almost regret stealing her desires and using such things against her. but then i remember my own sister and how i'd trade this whole damn world to be back with her.
"what shall i call you?" i ask, winking as though i found real interest in her.
"call me?" she's too naive. "you mean my name? well, it's sydney."
"no," i say, irritated already. "it's like this, i'll never tell you my name for if you knew it, you'd make a fateful wish. but you can call me- Nova."
one day, call me honey.
shaking her wishes from my head, i reach across the table and take her hand.

to put it simply, you're a special kind of poetry.

i left her sleeping in a motel bed with the words 'get over yourself' painted in red lipstick on the mirror. it didn't take long once we left the diner to learn about where her sister was and why she wanted her gone. no good reason. i stole every wish that's crossed her mind and left cursed images behind. but before i left, i slipped a backward dream catcher out of my bag and hung it over her head, then sprinkled stardust around her head. she'll be trapped in a prison of her own creating and never even know it.

karma comes and finds a person who thinks bad wishes.

i've done my job and left her to an ill fate. no wonder my lovers never last long. but it doesn't matter because the very next day, i'll sweet talk another into confessing their desires-but never reveal my name.
Original:
when you compare stars to dandelions you start getting carried away.

also, the bolded parts are kinda like 'quotes' describing what's happening and the "you"s refer to the narrator.

Edited:
Thanks to CrazyNinjaKid for her helpful review! I always miss grammatical errors so the review helped bunches. Also, did some edits of my own! Anyway, I'm definitely open to more feedback (which is much appreciated) and may edit one last time!! Let me know what you think!

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3 Comments
  • Wisp

    The descriptions and imagery here - I just cannot - it's so glorious the way you've written it. And the personification of a star as a heartbreaker was something I never knew I needed, it just made sense and everything about it fit together in the best possible way. I love the details you've included as well, like how the star can read minds, and how they're an embodiment of karma in a way. And when they referred to themselves as nova, I couldn't help but think of supernova, ready to combust and explode for their ending. The way these subtle little things tie the piece together is magnificent, and I adore your imagery so much. You list human desires in such a wonderful way, and add this star, or embodiment of human desires (?) in a way, creating this piece that just makes you throb for something. Wonderful, glorious, and I will always think of this piece now when looking at stars.


    29 days ago
  • chrysanthemums&ink

    fosfdhahsdfaasdfj i had this bookmarked for way too long and god, this piece is just so so good. just... the manipulative (?) ways of the narrator just instantly drew me in and hearing thoughts? but just.... so let's see.... that first 'special' person and basically our introduction to our narrator just painted a very unique and intriguing image in my head of this character, and when they broke things up and the pity they left behind. ah, that poor girl, but she isn't the main character and yknow i just love the fact that you wrote this from the perspective of a 'perpetrator'. it just makes everything so much more interesting! also "secrets don't make friends, but they keep them." is genius. i assume the 5th section is a sort of prologue to the 6th? they went and tracked down the person that was thinking that and went on a date and all that? but wowwwwww this. i don't have enough words to describe this other than just wow. i want to reread this over and over and over again bc this is such an interesting thing and you've written just so poignantly. the nature of the narrator, how they just throw things away, their spite, their coldness... DJFA;DJK I JUST LOVE IT <3333


    4 months ago
  • pineapples

    Replying: YES I'VE TURNED ANOTHER HUMAN TO BEN PLATT'S GODLY VOICE
    he is amazing, isn't he lol


    4 months ago