Peer Review by .amelia. (Singapore)

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Maa, you are much much better.

By: Samina


FREE WRITING


The moonlight
Isn't as bright
In the night.
Shall I tell the moon
to leave behind its pride
Maa, your heart is much much bright.
 
Ocean's depth
Isn't as large in breadth
Shall I tell the ocean to leave its ego apart
Maa, the deepness is there much much in your heart.


Rainwater forget that you're sound is relaxing
Isn't that exciting,
Maa, your voice is much much soothing.
Whenever I hear it I feel I am breathing,
My heart is always feeling
Almighty has made you make this world a much much better for living.

 

Word count 96
Date completed 14 April
I want to depict the innocence of the kid who feels that her mother is the best.
Enjambment - Throughout the poem, I have used it.
Maa in Hindi means mother. I thought I should use it.

Message to Readers

Someone asked me what is unconditional love and I looked towards my mother.


Peer Review

I like how you personify the forces of nature, then put them to shame. It illustrates how Maa, is beyond compare and quite admirable that way, like a powerful being of sort. The way you bold and italicise the words really convey a certain sincerity of this poem. And somehow, (I can't figure out why :p) it sort of urges me to visualise the forces of nature. Yeah, and the enjambment somehow draws me in. Because, the voice of the kid is perfectly captured here.


Really, I think the poem is quite well done here. The personality of the kid (especially innocence), can be seen. It is also quite endearing to see how close mother and daughter are. The girl's mother must love her with all her heart, the girl can so easily say it transcends the magnitude and beauty f nature in general.


Reviewer Comments

Well, this is just my analysis on your poem. I hope it'll give you a new angle of looking at your, and hopefully find some ways to improve! :)

P.S./Replying: I suppose I might've deleted that comment unintentionally. Sorry for any confusion I caused. :p