Peer Review by And_The_Stars_Laughed (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Maa, you are much much better.

By: Samina


FREE WRITING


The moonlight
Isn't as bright
In the night.
Shall I tell the moon
to leave behind its pride
Maa, your heart is much much bright.
 
Ocean's depth
Isn't as large in breadth
Shall I tell the ocean to leave its ego apart
Maa, the deepness is there much much in your heart.


Rainwater forget that you're sound is relaxing
Isn't that exciting,
Maa, your voice is much much soothing.
Whenever I hear it I feel I am breathing,
My heart is always feeling
Almighty has made you make this world a much much better for living.

 

Word count 96
Date completed 14 April
I want to depict the innocence of the kid who feels that her mother is the best.
Enjambment - Throughout the poem, I have used it.
Maa in Hindi means mother. I thought I should use it.

Message to Readers

Someone asked me what is unconditional love and I looked towards my mother.


Peer Review

I believe that you perfectly captured the innocence and joy of a child -- the way you string your words together, filling them with snips of rhymes and other uses of figurative language is spectacular. I especially love the line "Shall I tell the moon / to leave behind its pride / Maa, your heart is much much bright." This piece definitely made me stop and think for a minute about my mother too, and about the wonderful things that mothers bring to the world. :)


I only have a few suggestions as this piece was so well put together, you truly have an eye for rhythm in poetry. Perhaps consider not capitalizing the first letter of each line as most of the lines that you have begin with a capital. Maybe capitalize only after the end of a sentence? I also have a few other minor suggestions (you'll find them highlighted throughout the piece), but feel free not to use any of them!


Reviewer Comments

Awesome job! I really enjoyed reading this piece, it was really well done! :)