Dmoral

United States


she/her | est. 2018
summer hiatus, xoxo

Message to Readers

AHAHAHAHHAHA, breaking out my "classics" XD kidding tho, i am really proud of this piece tho. so thought i'd reshare it the new crowd ;)

i accidently fell in love with juliet (sorry romeo)

July 17, 2020

FREE WRITING

30

the world ended,
     a long time ago,
             and we weren't ready for it;
                              truth is, i didn't ever think it'd come to this.
                                           so before the plague comes and kisses you harshly
                                                          let me confess my feelings for you sincerely:
                                           it started as an 'i think it love you'.
                              we met as kids; where nothing lasts longer
             than our temporary tattoos.
     and yet, i fell-pulling down
you with me, toward a curse.

call us star crossed lovers,
     and then we'll pain the universe
             with our bare hands and naive minds;
                              thinking that forever lasts a long long time.
                                           though i love my father (naturally), i'd still leave him
                                                          because every fiber of my being burns for you.
                                           your hair smells better than roses,
                              your freckles i wish to connect like stars,
             your eyes that shine like hundreds of suns,
     and million other things i truly love about you.
all these feelings are true.

i'll promise hundreds of
     lifetimes, with this one and the next
             if you utter my first name on your last breath,
                              since that's only we should us to call one another,
                                           'cause we shouldn't share names with families
                                                          who can't stand the thought of us girls together.
So let's see if you noticed the Romeo & Juliet line references:

When I said, "if you utter my first name on your last breath, / since that's only we should us to call one another, / since that's only we should us to call one another" I was referencing Shakespeare's lines, "Deny thy father and refuse thy name, / Or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love."

When I said, "your eyes that shine like suns" I was referencing Shakespeare's lines, "But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? / It is the east, and Juliet is the sun."

When I said, "call us star crossed lovers" I was referencing Shakespeare's term of "star-crossed lovers".

When I said, "but before the plague comes and kisses you harshly" I was implying that Juliet was going to die, which references Shakespeare's line, "A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life."
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Then of course there's the whole similar plot thing where they can't be together and in love and so young and yeah.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
lowercase intentional.
Finished: 4/13/2020
Anyway, I wrote this for This is for elliemccul's contest, #everprompts, prompt #1 regarding Shakespeare. It's exactly 200 words so *phew*.

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18 Comments
  • Wisp

    What a freaking Queen.
    Reinventing Shakespeare lines, gosh what a goddess. (Yeah that’s right, gotta show how marvelous you are.) This piece is just oh so lovely and painful and heartfelt and totally in accord with Romeo and Juliet’s whole star-crossed lovers aspect. And that ending, it’s just- I’d even argue it’s better than Shakespeare himself (He’s turning in his grave at your brilliance).


    8 months ago
  • EliathRose

    Wow, chills, actual chills -- this is so beautiful!


    11 months ago
  • purplepanache

    i am completely dazed by the greatness of this. no, what you've described is greater than love itself and you're so very talented, i do not have the words.


    about 1 year ago
  • Tushar Mandhan

    It's beautiful! The story of Romeo and Juliet is among the first love stories I ever read. I loved your take on it!


    about 1 year ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    Is there anyway that you could comment on or peer review any of my pieces. You choose.


    about 1 year ago
  • Madelyn (Carolina Girl)

    You are so amazing


    about 1 year ago
  • Ree Sethu

    I AM IN LOVE WITH YOUR WRITING!


    about 1 year ago
  • joella

    I actually did catch some of the Shakespeare references! amazing as always...love this!!


    about 1 year ago
  • a rose

    I really really love this


    about 1 year ago
  • CrazyNinjaKid

    Replying: Thanks Dmoral :) I am the worst at coming up with a title so if you have an suggestions that would be amazing!


    about 1 year ago
  • AErtaylan

    Wow, this is great. Bonus points for the visual of the poem. Amazing!


    about 1 year ago
  • T r a l a l a

    asdfghjk- i love this child


    about 1 year ago
  • Wicked!

    This is beautiful aijsbdvth


    about 1 year ago
  • Madeline Harper

    This was stunning to read. I love all the imagery, both original and referring to Shakespeare. I love the effect of the final line too. Well done!


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Replying: Thanks so much! I couldn't have done it without your super complex review.


    about 1 year ago
  • elliem

    I love this take on Romeo and Juliet, and how you referenced so many important themes and lines from the play. Beautiful piece. Thanks for entering! :)


    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    This piece is so stunningly and heart-wrenchingly beautiful...


    about 1 year ago
  • mia_:)

    Whoa! Your formatting is so amazing! Also, your word choice is on point; this poem has a beautiful flow to it. Good luck in the contest!


    about 1 year ago