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The Meeting and the World #aprilmath

April 14, 2020



M-AM General: This is the official start of this attack meeting. Recall the rules: speak only if you are told to, unless you are part of the elite circle. You will be beheaded publicly if you break any of these rules, no exceptions. Since we are not all in the main room here - some of us are hooked up electronically - when you talk, you must end by saying the word spelled O-V-E-R. Notice that since I spelled the word without saying it, I am not done talking. Nobody but me: the general of the M-AM control, Dr. Ozzinson: the head of the M-AM research department, and our great dictator, can interrupt speakers. If the dictator connects to this meeting, let our lord speak, for the dictator is our creator, and is the reason we are here now. We will now hear from Dr. Ozzinson, over.

Dr. Ozzinson: As you know, the scientists in my department do research on matter-antimatter collisions, and how these can be implemented in missiles. We quickly found affordable ways of making these M-AM missiles, but we initially thought that any such missile would destroy the entire world if used. However, it turned out that there was a major error in our original calculations, resulting in our calculated radius of destruction being much larger than the actual radius of destruction would be. This alone wouldn't have been enough for us to be confident in making and using M-AM missiles, but one of our scientists, Dr. Dellidust, found a way to test the destruction radius predicted by the math. Dr. Dellidust's work gave us the confidence to make and ready M-AM missiles for use. We will now here from Dr. Dellidust, over.

Dr. Dellidust: The experiment I devised involves colliding an electron with an antielectron inside a vacuum surrounded by a certain substance, and seeing how that substance reacts. I won't go into the details of how this environment can be created, how it's safe, and how it tells us about the destruction radius of our M-AM missiles, but what I will say is that-

Dictator: This is your dictator speaking. Enough of the science gibberish. Will this help us destroy the enemy half of the world, or not?

Dr. Dellidust: Yes, because-

Dictator: And will it leave my side untouched?

Dr. Dellidust: Certainly. That's what the experiment-

Dictator: Then what are we talking for? Let's launch the missiles already!

Dr. Ozzinson: We were just making sure everybody knew the details to some-

Dictator: I don't care whether people know the details. If anything, they shouldn't-

Dr. Dellidust: But people might have had important objections!

Dictator: How dare you interrupt me! Not only that, you've contradicted me! And you act as though other people's objections count. Only I can object! I am your dictator, your creator, your-

Dr. Dellidust: Yes of course, but-

Dictator: And now you give excuses. Participants of this meeting, Dr. Dellidust has committed a crime, and will be beheaded publicly tomorrow-

Dr. Dellidust: But-

Dictator: Gag the criminal! Cage the criminal too!

Dr. Ozzinson: Guards! You heard our lord, over.

Dictator: Has the criminal been caged and gagged yet? Or have my guards failed me?

Dr. Ozzinson: The criminal has been caged and gagged, as you, our lord and creator, have commanded, over.

Dictator: Good. Now listen, I want those missiles launched toward the enemy side, and I want them launched now.

M-AM General: Alright, we are initiating the missile launch protocol. Subject A2, turn your right key, over.

Subject A2: Done, over.

M-AM General: Subject C, turn your key.

Subject C: Done, over.

M-AM General: Subject B1, turn your left key.

Subject B1: Done, over.

M-AM General: Subject B2, turn both your keys.

Subject B2: But-

Dictator: Do it or I'll have you publicly beheaded!

Subject B2: Done, over.

M-AM General: Subjects A1 and A2, turn your remaining-

Dr. Ozzinson: We have a-

Dictator: Don't interrupt my-

M-AM General: keys, over.

Dr. Ozzinson: problem. There has been a-

Subject A1: Done, over.

Dr. Ozzinson: mistake in deriving the results-

Dictator: Everybody-

Subject A2: Done, over.

Dr. Ozzinson: from the data in Dr. Dellidust experiment-

Dictator: What?!

Dr. Ozzinson: With the correct statistical calculation, the results say that the destruction radius of just one M-AM missile is larger than the solar system.

Dictator: So you're saying-

Dr. Ozzinson: The world is going to end in a minute or two, unless the missiles can be brought back.

M-AM General: They can't.

Dr. Ozzinson: Then enjoy your final minute of life, over.

Dictator: This can't be happening. Everything I created just doesn't-

Dr. Ozzinson: Only science can argue with science, which I'm afraid-

Dictator: I'll have your head cut off Dr. Ozzinson! And the scientist who made the miscalculation-

Dr. Ozzinson: That would be Dr. Solosino-

Dr. Solosino: Don't tell the dictator-

Dictator: Trying to hide stuff from me, now-

Dr. Ozzinson: It doesn't matter. The end of the world is in less than a-


Dr. Ozzinson: You are no more our dictator than the I am.

Dictator: All my creations, gone?

Dr. Ozzinson: Not your creations, your loot.

Dictator: HOW DARE YOU!!!

M-AM General: I know it's the end of the world, but I think that our lord deserves some respect-

Dr. Solisino: We have no lord anymore-


Dr. Ozzinson: No, and you really can't do anything-

M-AM General: Show some respect for your creator, and at least be-

Subject C: Even without the world, our lord still decides the quality in the next life, and-

Dr. Solisino: Where's your scientific evidence for-


Subject A2: There is no to-

M-AM General: Can't we at least make world peace before it ends? After all, the peace will probably last long-

Dr. Ozzinson: No time, ten seconds left.

M-AM General: Then this attack meeting is officially over.
M-AM stands for Matter-Antimatter.

Exactly 1000 words, over.


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  • April 14, 2020 - 8:23pm (Now Viewing)

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1 Comment
  • Loser

    This is hilarious!

    10 months ago