Peer Review by Maryam (Canada)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


If these were my last words....

By: The Dreamer


FREE WRITING

If these were my last words,
I'd like to say something wise.
Something truer than true,
not a shread of lies
- nor a strange disguise.

If these were my last words I'd like to say:
I love you,
or to give some advice.
To paint the sky blue
in a time of grey,
to photograph and bind
that moment in your mind
for the rest of your life.

If this was my last breath,
I'd hope I'd brought some light into this world.
Hope I'd sewn up a crack
watched a few hearts bloom, leaves unfurled.
Never turned my back.

If these were my last hours
I'd wish to spend them in peace,
surrounded by flowers.
To laugh and reminisce,
to apologize for every wrong,
every sin against me dismiss
before I was long gone.


If these were my last words,
I suppose they'd be along these lines:
'Was I worthwhile?'

Did I ever bring a smile of true bliss
or dry your tears with a kiss?
Make you feel like the brightest star in the sky....
or did all that light go amiss?

In the end I think it doesn't matter much what I say
- but who hears.
So if I could touch one heart,
move one person to tears,
t'would be as if I'd lived a thousand years.
 


Message to Readers

Please, please, please take the time to review or comment. I am thinking of enteeing this in the poetry competition. What do you think?


Peer Review

I loved the "If these were" lines. They were all so beautiful and really helped me think about life and living in another way.


I think everyting was already amazing and greatly written. Just the only thngbis that some lines began capitalized and some didnt, if you fix that I think this will be perfect.


Reviewer Comments

This was such a thought provoking and powerful poem on many levels! I commend you for writing this! Great job, and keep writing! <3<3<3