United States

as in Presbyterian Church in America
Ambivert or something
Band nerd + Drum Major
Planet Earth nerd
etc, etc
Joined September 10, 2019

Message to Readers

So this was just a quick thing I wrote this morning... Let me know what you think!

Social Forecast

April 10, 2020


Host: A young lady who looks remarkably like me. Her name is Jane, though, so she can’t be me. And she’s prettier too.
Forecaster: A guy who looks like the kind of person I would date, if I had enough of a social life to actually get a date… Oh well. Anyway, his name is Robert Davis.

SCENE 1: The scene is set at a typical news station. HOST is seated with an enormous smile on her face. A soundcheck crew makes sure she’s ready to go, then leaves the stage.

HOST: Good evening, and welcome to Full Body News. I’m Jane Doe, your host. We will now hear from our renowned social forecaster, Robert Davis, on what you can expect socially in the coming days.

(Scene switches to FORECASTER. Behind him is a greenscreen showing a human body diagram, which he gestures to as he explains the forecast. The greenscreen should change with his lines.)

FORECASTER: Thanks, Jane. Due to an incoming selfishness front, you can expect popularity levels to drop extremely low in the next few days, particularly by the end of the week. With that drop in popularity, we’ll also probably be seeing a decrease in number of friends, and, with that, some pretty bad rainstorms. We recommend that everyone take cover during these storms, as we can probably expect some bad flooding on the roads, pretty extreme lightning, and some intense tornados. These storms will most likely last a few days, during which time no one should be doing anything, since it would be a risk to their own personal safety. Now, let’s take a look at the day-by-day forecast for the next week

(Greenscreen switches to a day-by-day screen.)

Tonight will be pretty normal, with popularity levels hovering in the mid-to-high forties. Tomorrow will be roughly the same, with levels in the high forties, although we will start to see that selfishness front moving in tomorrow evening, with a drop into the high thirties. Wednesday and Thursday will be at particularly low levels, in the thirties and even dropping into the twenties, and that’s when we’ll start to see those really bad storms. Everyone should make an effort to seek shelter at those times. By early Friday morning, we should start to see those storms clear up with the arrival of an incoming parental-comfort front, although those popularity levels will continue to exist in the low forties and high thirties. At this time, it will be safe to resume normal activities, but be sure to keep an eye out for any storm warnings, as the emotions will be extremely volatile. Saturday and Sunday will be blue skies and sunny. Back to you, Jane.

(Scene switches back to HOST.)

HOST: Thanks, Robert. (Lights dim and HOST’s voice fades out slowly.) At this time, we’ll hear a special report from our Nervous System Reporter, Ellen Gleen, on the recent earthquake in the small town of Left Knee, which measured an astounding 8.4 on the Richter Scale.


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  • April 10, 2020 - 1:08pm (Now Viewing)

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