Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
Any feedback is welcome!
Though it feels a little strange to express, the best way I can describe how I feel is 'convinced' or almost 'defeated' (in a weirdly positive sense). Throughout the stanzas, you take us on an incredible journey through both human and cosmic experiences of life, death, growth etc., and along the way show us all the ways hope can and does exist. By the end of the poem, we almost cannot help but acknowledge that hope, which seemed sometimes fleeting and sometimes nonexistent, is still there. Nice work!
Imagery and description-wise, I think you're completely in control, and even the suggestion I'm making now is only an extension of what you're doing. Throughout the poem, we can already see that you're using different line lengths and their effects in an innovative and considered way - eg. the first two comparatively short stanzas 'building up' to new heights and intensity with 'But remember how we dared disturb the universe?'. However, I'd like to suggest having a closer look at the juxtapositions, current or possible, between lines in individual stanzas. An example of this (also in a highlighted comment) might be the closing lines in the sixth stanza, where you write 'And it has been injured and... /broken but/it/Still/Breathes/On.' I would almost suggest making 'broken but' and the following 'it' a single line in order to convey a more sudden break between this and the declaration that it is still alive and breathing in spite of the circumstances. Overall, have a think about the physical ways that the relationships between line lengths have on the reader's understanding of hope and see if anything you've written might change to emphasize that : )
Without question, my favourite line (well, actually two) would have to be 'We were so full of pride and summer and fantasy/ that the fireflies became satellites' in the third stanza. The soaring, 'takeoff' (pun unintended!) imagery and the blending of natural and cosmic phenomena through the concept of human emotion is just so incredibly poignant and memorable.
I'm not sure that there's much to say which I haven't already mentioned! - This poem features a lot of exquisite detail and consideration, and the depth with which you tie the various concepts, be it nature, growth, social cohesion, or friendship, together with each other, is astonishing. Well done!
As a whole, this was a fantastic read. Have a think about my suggestions, but don't feel compelled to take any of them on board.
Best of luck with the competition, and keep writing!