Peer Review by Quarkoala (United States)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Roots of Animosity

By: mia_:)


why must our world be so fragmented?
why do people stare into each other's eyes
and only see hatred, 
as if they are looking in a mirror?
why does my country's constitution
state that all men,
and much later, women too,
are created equal
and given unalienable rights, 
only to snatch them away
from some?
why must our world be so fragmented
and unable to unite?
a seed has been planted,
many years ago,
and though we have torn off
the branches,
a massive trunk still stands,
with boughs thick with hundreds
of age rings, dating back to 
who knows when.
a column that holds roots deep into the soil.
demoralize, disfavor, discriminate.
why must we hold so much animosity
for those who are not exactly the same as us?
why must we sit in silence as angry people
stand over us, shouting slurs?
why can't they learn respect?
why won't they respect our differences
and appreciate our similarities 
all the same?
why must people criticize us, 
tell us what is beautiful, 
point out all our flaws, 
most of which are strengths in themselves?
why can't each person define beauty?
why must people scream in each other's faces,
spit flying, throats hoarse, 
index finger extended,
in line with their nose?
you, you, you.
why must they not realize that
when they extend their index finger,
all four other fingers point toward 
themselves?
why must we tell others
the way they must be?
why must they think that everyone
has to look like them, 
talk like them, 
love like them to be worthy of life?
no one planted the tree but each and
every one of us, in some way or another.
our own prejudice and stereotypes
feed into the tree like the richest
fertilizer under the sun.
why must they
dump their hatred of diversity
into the roots of a once beautiful tree,
a tree that is now tainted with animosity
and bitter feelings,
when in truth,
diversity is the thing that will save us.
why must our world be so fragmented?
because not everyone is doing their part
to piece it back together.
a love of diversity is our only hope 
for the future.


Message to Readers

PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Peer Review

This poem is calling for change; calling for us to accept one another.


Talk about the tree more.


"as if they are looking in a mirror?"

This shows how similar people are, especially those who are mad at one another for being different. At least, that's how I understand it. A brilliant line.


Keep the tone there, the strong voice behind the poem is awesome!


Reviewer Comments

Consider, in your next draft, having the poem broken up into stanzas. Right now, it is a bit hard to read. Also, consider getting rid of the big W, by adding a blank line before it (click on the very beginning of the poem and press enter).

I really appreciate pieces to review, but when entering them, please try to do it in the correct format (stated in the rules).