deep_breaths

United States

ravenclaw
virgo
INTJ-T
musical theatre <3
screaming songs on spotify
hyper realism artist
so hungry right now
slowly descending into madness
ballerina (pointe!)
potterhead
surprised aurora is my mood

Message from Writer

My Go-To Books:
-ALL of the Harry Potter Books (by J.K. Rowling)
-ALL of the To All The Boys I've Loved Before Trilogy (by Jenny Han)
-ALL of The School for Good and Evil ( by Soman Chainani)
-ALL all the Hunger Games (by Suzanne Collins)

currently listening to
real friends - camila cabello

When life gives you lemons
You don't make lemonade
You use them to make girls cry
You take those lemons
No sugar at all
And you squirt it right into our eyes
(Lemons, Brye)

although they are beautiful, the roses you've caused to blossom in my lungs are slowly choking me

February 14, 2021

FREE WRITING

14
i smile
he only walks away
grow
gaping petals writhe in my airways
no one knows
these flowers will be my demise
the flowers blossom out my mouth
the flowers grow in my chest
in my lungs their roots creep
agony 
feelings rage on in spite of the pain
he doesn't feel the same way
the air floods from my lungs
gasp
flourish
he doesn't bother look my way
like a rose thorn
tearing into my heart
i appraise his every move
laugh at all his jokes
he doesn't acknowledge my attempts to grad his attention
like vines slowly draining my strength
growing from the inside of me to the outside
and though they are beautiful
the flowers growing in my lungs
are choking me







    "Hanna, what are you doing?" Megan asks. I look at my best friend and jerk my head towards David and she suddenly understands. When I sidle over to him in the cafe, I feel a sudden pain in my chest, but I brush it off. I paint the best smile I could muster up across my face and turn to David.
    "Hey David" I say, the overwhelming sweetness in my voice causing an instant cavity.
    David spins on his seat and nods his head. "Hey. Uh, Hanna, right?" My heart melts and I giggle.
    "Yeah, that's me." I answer, nervous laughter still bubbling in my chest. I twirl a lock of my honey-like hair around my neatly filed fingernail. 
    He nods once more. Then turns back around and faces his friend. The pain in my chest becomes sharper and I suddenly gasp for a breath. Still, I ignore it. David starts talking to his friend and my cheeks turns pink.
    I walk back over to Megan. She gives me a pitied look and I sulk by her side. We walk out of the cafe and climb into her small car. Megan turns on the radio. I slump in my seat and finger my necklace. The flower charm glints at me and the pain returns, worse than before.
    I heave and clutch my chest. But it's not my chest. It's my lungs. I cough and suddenly smell roses.
    Weird...
    "What's weird?" Megan asks. I guess it must not have been in my head.
    "Uh, nothing, Megley." I say and turn back to face the window. I notice in my reflection that my cheeks have turned a blooming peachy hue. Uncommon for me because I'm normally quite pale.
    Megan stops in front of my house and I thank her then walk inside. Mom greets me but I all I can manage is a small, croaked hello, and at that I lug myself up the stairs and stare in my mirror.
    What's happening? I ask my lungs. Though I wasn't expecting and answer, a rigid and wheezing cough heaves out of me.     "Very well then," I say. The cough is followed by the familiar flowery scent. I don't know what to think. I decide I'm experiencing a slight case of psychosis.
    The thoughts and questions still pour out of my mind, but I tune them out and fall asleep.

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    The next morning I briefly forget about what went on last night. The moments in which I had no memory of yesterday were peaceful. But then I remembered what happened. My eyes snap open and I catapult out of my bed.
    I instantly feel the pain in my chest.
    "Enough of this," I say, my voice cracking and breaking, now I smell the scent after simply talking.
    I snap my laptop open and search "flower odor after coughing" One match comes up. I click a small description.
    "Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love." 
    Hanahaki? One-sided love? Coughing up flower petals? What's going on? Suddenly I feel something crawling up my throat. I run to my bathroom and heave a strong cough. Pain rings through my body and blood boils inside my veins.
    I realize I've closed my eyes. And just as quickly, I realize I'm genuinely afraid to open them. I smell the same flowery aroma, stronger this time, though.
    Hanahaki, coughing up flower petals snaps into my head. My heart pounds so loud I hear it rebounding in my skull. I force one of my eyes open. 
    I scream and clutch the counter for support. There are rose petals in my sink.
    I instantly close my eyes again. My airway tightens and I feel my head pound and heart rush. This isn't happening. I'm going insane. I've finally lost it. It's not real. I'm dreaming. 
    I convince myself I'm hallucinating and fully open my eyes.
    Not only are there rose petals, but there are thorns and vines and what looks like blood. I touch one of the petals and recoil as soon as my fingers reach it. I momentarily choke on another thorn and fall to the floor on my bathroom. 
    I claw my way over to my bed and stare at the wall, every emotion I've never experienced seemed to be showing themselves. What kind of normal high school girl suddenly coughs up roses?! I rub my hands over my leaky eyes. My tears slowly running out. What's everyone going to think of me. There's no way Megan's going to be friends with me now. Tears drip off my nose and form a small puddle on my pillow.

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    In shock and my mind scattered, I pick up my phone. While blankly staring at the screen a text from Megan pops up. I instinctively open our never ending conversation and read the new message.
    David asked Lanie out last night after we left. I'm sorry Hanna. At first I just laugh. The my laugh becomes a screech then the screech dies into a wheezing attempt to regain composure.
    The pain intensifies. All the rage I'd ever felt came crashing on me at once. 
    My breath came in rapid and forced gulps. Thorns and petals covered the floor around me, staining my shirt with blood.
    Roses. Roses everywhere. 
    In an effort to get out of bed I collapse on the floor. My vision goes foggy. Black slither around the edge of my sight.
    I felt the roots and vines of the roses maul their way up my throat and out my mouth. All the blossoms around me began to grow and wrap their vines around my body.
    The pain was infinite. 
    Thorny vines encircle my head and I feel as if I'm drowning. Breathing becomes a strenuous task. 
    Sobs overcome my screams for help, I knew struggling was useless.
    As I laid, motionless on the floor, I thought about David. My blood rushed cold and my heart slowed from it's brisk pounding to a solid drumbeat. 
    It's all his fault this is happening to me.
    In the moment that I felt as if I'd never possibly survive, my hate and despise for David replaced any love or attraction I'd ever felt.
    Instantly the growing and blooming stopped. The vines slither away as if they were snakes. The bloom's colors fade.
    I stood up and wiped the blood and bile off of my palms.
    Rage filled my eyes and I spit out one final thorn and I swore David would pay. He will pay for the pain he caused.
    And intend to make sure of it.
If you look up Hanahaki you'll see it's a fictional disease that is caused by one-sided love and results in coughing up flowers and can be fixed with surgery. It's a very detailed fictional disease. 
I've loved this idea and story for such a long time. It' just a perfect representation for one-sided love an how it feels.

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9 Comments
  • ANSON REYNOLDS

    wowzers- every inch of this is reallllly cool! I think you should go back through and try to make your language a little bit stronger, but the overall effect and story is FANTASTIC- reallly good job!!


    3 months ago
  • flying_elephant10

    amazing. 100% amazing. your detail is amazing and i love it so much!


    3 months ago
  • Cosmogyral

    please do, i think positive outlooks on bodily illnesses need more light.


    3 months ago
  • xx carolina xx

    ok but I stan this so hard it's wild.


    3 months ago
  • Cosmogyral

    there's something else this title could go beautifully with, cystic fibrosis. whenever the patient panics and can not breathe, they remind themselves that it's only flowers growing in their lungs...the flowers simply need space, and they just took root in you


    3 months ago
  • 4ExtraShotsOfEspresso

    *a nice


    3 months ago
  • 4ExtraShotsOfEspresso

    This piece is absolutely stunning! Spectacular, amazing, wonderful! Have anice day/night ^w^


    3 months ago
  • almost flora kane

    this is amazing! the idea is creative and the way you've executed it is impressive:)


    3 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    Re: You're welcome! I'll read this once I hopefully have the energy to do so. :)


    3 months ago