Peer Review by Quarkoala (United States)

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The Anguished Scream

By: Pavithra C.P

Performance Link-

Those never-ending cries of pain
have gone now!
Those scars you drew through my heart
have faded now!

I am no different than you all
Just a little meeker well you can say
No more can I keep my
anguished screams at bay!

I have been succumbed
to mustering silence
I have been considered
less of a human 

No leech could suck out this poison
No god can purify the soul corrupted by birth status!
Isn't what you taught your children
that I am an untouchable?

Jarring breath notes punctuated my words
But not anymore!
For i am strong!
Stronger than anyone could ever be!
I am 'Untouchable'!

For those of you who don't know- WHAT IS UNTOUCHABILITY?
, in its literal sense, is the practice of ostracising a minority group by segregating them from the mainstream by social custom or legal mandate.
The term is most commonly associated with treatment of the Dalit communities in the Indian subcontinent who were considered "polluting", but the term has also been loosely used to refer to other groups, such as the Cagots in Europe, and the Al-Akhdam in Yemen. Traditionally, the groups characterized as untouchable were those whose occupations and habits of life involved ritually polluting activities, such as fishermen, manual scavengers, sweepers and washermen.

Peer Review

I was left with a feeling that the world had been unfair, and the narrator has gotten a well deserved triumph.

One idea is to change "less of a human" to "as human as a..." and choose an animal or object. This would create a simile
Another is to add a word after "I am an untouchable," such as "I am an untouchable fire." This would create a metaphor.

"Those scars you drew through my heart"

I can picture scares being "[drawn] through your heart," which isn't a normal picture (this is a unique way of using words).

The overall feeling of the poem is great. Just keep adding fine details.

Reviewer Comments

Overall, a great poem!