Ashley Steward

United States

I'm an aspiring author from the U.S. that loves doing what she does. I'm 16 years old and
I hope to publish my own novels, novellas, and manga one day. I'm mostly on here to receive feedback on how well I'm doing in my writing journey! :)

Message to Readers

I'm mostly on here to receive feedback on how well I developed the scene.
Was it too little or too much description? Was there anything I could have done better?
If there is anything else you caught that could make my writing better let me know!

Caught up

October 29, 2020

PROMPT: Open Prompt

3
 Anna's hair spiraled into a lake of soft, ochre-brown strands across her bed comforter as she bathed in the light of her bedroom window. She could feel a slow blush creep up to her neck as the heat began to settle on her cheeks. The sun's early rays had only just begun to expose themselves as they pushed the darkness of night away to some far off country and already, set to work at rousing the lazy child from her peaceful state. The past week had been quiet and tedious with her brother working the night shift at his new job. In the mornings, she would quietly make her way past his snoring figure in his makeshift bedroom in the parlor and make breakfast, in the afternoon she would finish her chores and quietly lay on her bed until she fell asleep; By the time she awoke she could hear him snoring again- the cycle always repeats. But lately, her brother had been taking up the new hobby of disappearing altogether. Instead of confronting him with her concerns, she put up a facade in hopes of not inflicting unneeded stress; I shouldn't worry about it too much, Anna thought, I just hope this ends soon, so we can go back home. She gave a loud yawn, swung her legs onto the cold floor, and walked down the dimly lit hallway to the kitchen. The silence seemed to solidify in her ears." Tyler?", Her lips pursed into a confused scowl, I wish he would stop the disappearing act once in a while, this is the third time this week. The light from the sunroof illuminated the kitchen table like a cone. Dust particles ran rampant and coated every surface as if someone decided to sprinkle a bag of fine-grain sugar. The scene looked to be something out of the many horror-games her brother frequented when he was in college. 

 
Thank you for reading. :)
I'm mostly looking for feedback based on description analysis
and how well you think I did regarding it.

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4 Comments
  • sci-Fi

    Re: Aaaahhhh thank you! I love music, I'll prolly listen to all of those XD


    26 days ago
  • ect.13

    Replying: thanks so much for your lovely comment - I totally get you, and it's wrong. Time to take a stand...

    You've got some gorgeous description in here. I especially love "dust particles ran rampant" - I'd love to read more! Well done :)


    26 days ago
  • Ashley Steward

    @Anlee Thank You!


    27 days ago
  • Anlee

    your descriptions are really beautiful and detailed~ i would love to read more after that last sentence <33


    27 days ago