Peer Review by R.C Kelly (Malawi)

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every one of us is a dead star, but some of us are more dead than others

By: ParisInFrance


FREE WRITING

i'm soaring through an endless sky
on wings of hopes and dreams
but this place is topsy-turvy 
and nothing is as it seems

this galaxy streaked by colour
by glitter and purple paint
it's a child's masterpiece 
yet suddenly i feel faint 

i'm realising flying's not forever 
one day eventually i'll fall
for now the butterflies carry me
but soon i'll feel so small

dead stars, doomed planets surround me
and only now do i begin to see
i'm just a blip in your constellation
and that's all i'll ever be

 


Message to Readers

thank you for reading! :-)


Peer Review

The last 2 stanzas of this poem were really beautiful because the writers solitude is captured very well and the imagery is used quite well.


I would like the writer to expand on those feelings of being small and the significance of the galaxy and nature. I would also reconsider the use of rhyme because it doesn't contribute to the poem, it distracts the reader from the beauty of the words. Don't completely abandon it but don't continuosly use it either.


Reviewer Comments

Really good poem