Socially awkward, that's me
Written By: Christy
April 3, 2015
She looks at her self, pausing and staring. What does she see? She's puzzled and cocks her head. She walks back slowly from the mirror to the wall, untill her back slowly touches it. She takes her hand and places it over her mouth, sliding down the wall to the cold floor. That's not the only thing sliding down, a single tear drop on her cheek. What does she see? She simply sees her flaws, all of them. What do you see? You see her and think; wow she is so beautiful, with her hair flowing down and that bright awkward smile. You see her as she walks tall and alone in the halls wearing her independence and confidence strongly. Sometimes only looking at the ground, probably just deep in thought. She sees herself as weak and alone, walking through the halls like that. Not trying to be noticed, just hiding in the shadows. She looks down deep in thought, but not about what you think. You see her helping someone with dropped items on the floor. How considerate of her, you think. She sees herself helping, for she would want it in return. You see her laugh, and you can't help but smile. Her humor can make your day ten times better. She sees herself being weird, only laughing to soften things. Making little jokes here and there, just to stay entertained. You see her bubbly personality when she speaks. Acting as though she can't contain her excitement for something. She sees it as occasionally being annoying, just another flaw. Acting, for maybe her whole excitement was merely a mirage. Not to trick you, just to fool you. For she is not always as happy as you think. You try not to stare at her, but sometimes you can't refrain from it. That sparkle in her eyes keeps you returning. She catches you and looks away, blushing slightly. She thinks, is there something on me? Why would he stare, I'm nothing special. You see that her honesty can out mask any others, she's just being truthful. She sees herself spreading rumors, but it's only her opinion. You see her being silent most of the time, taking most things seriously. Making her as if she is mysterious. Maybe hiding something, a secret from everyone only she knows. You see her dressing and wearing her hair differently. You're not complaining, just seeing a new her. You notice she changes half way through the day, or takes down her hair. You wonder why, because she looked perfect in your eyes. She sees herself as trying too hard. Going out of her comfort zone. Taking down her hair, for she can feel the judgment and the people staring. She thinks a simple ponytail will do.
She returns to the mirror. Her flaws out shining everything in the world at that very moment. Only thing running through her mind was pain. She looks in the mirror one last time. She also sees her hidden secret. The scars of her past. The times when she could simply flick her hand and release pain. Yet suddenly, doing that seems as if it won't help anymore. As if it won't release the pain. She thinks one waste of space will be gone. No one will miss her. Just that awkward child in the background you know. She talks herself into it. She can't bottle up her tears and emotions anymore. With one calm silent move, her pain was gone.
He misses her presence. Wondering why, or if he could have stopped it. Maybe if he said something. Or maybe spoke to her, not hiding his feelings. How could she do it? All these thoughts storming his mind. She was hiding something from everyone was that what was so bad? The feeling of depression swept over him. Could he get out of this rut? The rut of depression and utter sadness was too overwhelming for him. What else could he do but do the same. Let history repeat itself one last time.