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Message to Readers
I know Whit and Drew's relationship developed quickly, I've gotten that in a review. I just think that the fact that both of them are (quite literally) slowly dying so they don't want to miss a thing. Even if it means speeding things up a bit.
First off, I think you did a spectacular job developing Whitney's "voice" in this piece. I was really able to see what kind of person Whitney is through everything that she's thinking, her dialogue, and how she deals with her situation. I can see that she's a strong individual, she's kind, she's funny, and, she's not afraid to say what she's thinking -- the fact that I'm able to determine all of this in just a matter of a couple thousand words says a lot about your writing, nice job! Also, I think that though Whitney and Drew's relationship develops quickly, it really adds to Whitney's character and strengthens the story. Through this, I was also able to see that she's making the most of her life, and doesn't hesitate. Ultimately, Whitney's character and attitude is probably what moved me most in the piece -- she is an incredibly strong and persistent protagonist that you've created. Awesome work!
Perhaps you could think about what impact it might have on this piece if your really delved into the setting. What does the hospital look like, what does it smell like, how does it sound? How does Whitney's room look, how does the setting of the hospital effect her? Maybe you could also consider elaborating more on where Whitney's love for books stemmed from -- did her mom read to her when she was little, does she feel comforted by the characters? By doing this, it might also add to the big reveal where Drew shows her the library. I also noticed some grammatical errors (shifting of tenses, italics, etc) throughout your piece, and though they don't take away from the story here, it's always helpful to know where they are. I pointed a few out, though a great free resource that is really helpful is Grammarly. I use it daily, and it automatically aligns with Write the World so that you can use it in the site -- I don't know what I'd do without it. :) However, feel no need to take these suggestions.
Overall, this was a really fun piece to read and review, I loved Whitney's character!! Incredible job!!
If you have any questions about this review, feel free to let me know, and in the meantime, keep writing!! :)