Peer Review by enteringemmy (United Kingdom)

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d a w n

By: agustdv


FREE WRITING



colorless agony/ this heatwave is/ enchanting/

birds overgrown/ a meadow of weeds/ and the sinking of toes/ crushed sand in empty/ colloquial mouths/ 

are you a stranger/ to the scent of/ doom?/ are you thinking/ of my/ bottomless daybreak/ words?/

god/ i have prayed/ mercilessly/ for a day like this/ to end



 


Peer Review

I love the sense of heat, listlessness and compression. Great linguistic choice.


Potentially a different title? Idk, I just feel that the 'dawn' doesn't fit the tone of the piece.


Reviewer Comments

Great job. Love it.