Peer Review by Writers of the World (United States)

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there once was a girl

By: hi i'm jackson ;)


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once upon a time, there was a girl.
this girl loved fiercely and with all her heart. someone once told her someday she’d find a special kind of love, and ever since then, she’s been looking for it.
she ended up having her life turned upside down, and coming to a place of changes was harder than she thought.
once she was there, she met somebody.
one girl.
nothing special, just a very pretty girl who listened to her.
she made her her friend, and thought maybe this is the Love.
she met another girl, a girl who was happy and kind. then a boy who laughed with his whole self. then a girl who stood above all else but never looked down upon. then a girl who looked at others as prettier than she. then a girl who looked small but was a lion inside. then a boy who she thought should always smile. then someone who thought they didn’t deserve her love. [just for clarifications sake, I mean the friend thought that THEY THEMSELF didn’t deserve love, not that they thought OTHERS didn’t deserve it]
she met so many people, and each one she met: is this the Love?
but no matter how much she loved them all, loved them with all of her heart and soul, she didn’t think any of them made her feel a certain way.
even the people she briefly thought she loved; it was never there.

it was only until she left the place of changes that she began to think maybe this is the way it should stay.
maybe I don’t want that Love. 
maybe I don’t need it.


And she didn’t.
 

Hey all! This is Jackson, coming out to y’all as asexual/ace! Also a tribute to some of my awesome friends! Who I hope understand! And also I hope people know that the “A” in LGBTQIA stands for ASEXUAL and not ALLY. :) have an amazing day/week/year/life!

Message to Readers

Hope y’all are having a good day!


Peer Review

I liked the message at the end of the piece, I feel like it wrapped up the idea/concept very well. I enjoyed how she was realizing her self worth and mow far she should go. The way the narrator talked about love and how the girl was so hopeful, almost desperate, for it was interesting. I feel like many girls out there could relate and understand an aspect of this.


If you were to deepen this piece, perhaps where the main girl obtained this idea or thoughts about a "special kind of love". Like, who does she look up to that has a love she wants? When it comes to details, maybe just giving her name? It got a little confusing when everyone was referred to as "boy", "girl", "he" "she", "her" his".


Reviewer Comments

Good job! Keep writing!