Peer Review by camlily (United States)

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The Tickler

By: CreativeAngel


FREE WRITING

    Night approached as I jumped into bed, immediately after flipping the light. Even as a teenager, I was still scared of the dark-more of what was in it. Tonight though, especially tired, I forgot to cover my feet. 
    Middle of the night, I was woken from my deep sleep. A long, furry, black arm curled out from under my bed as I peeked into the darkness from beneath my blankets. A single pointy red fingernail scratched the soles of my feet as I tried to get away. If I knew what the thing was I'd be giggling. Quickly, I put my feet in the air forcing the thing to retreat. Folding my feet between the blankets, I made sure my feet couldn't poke out. Fearfully, I drifted off into a dream
    When I woke up, I made my mother check under the bed,
"There's nothing there honey. You're a big kid now. Those stories I told you were to make you go to bed faster. I promise it's safe," she said kissing my forehead.
    I wasn't so sure.
    That night I made a border of large, silky, white pillows. After finishing, I felt slightly safer. Excited that I could sleep well, I tucked myself in only to enter a nightmare.
    The thing towered six feet tall over my bed as I cowered in the sheets. It's glowing red eyes beaded into my soul. I wanted to scream for help but I couldn't utter a sound. The thing a step forward. Then another step. Suddenly it lunged a me, claws just out of grasp. I threw the covers at him and huddled between my countless pillows.
    "Penny wake up," my mother shook me to which I jumped back, still shaking from fear. My wide eyes focused in my sunlit room. The pink walls were glowing above the dark oak floor. Just like those eyes.
    "Penny?" 
    "Huh?"
    "Penny what happened?" my mother asked as her green eyes darkened with concern.
    "I just had a nightmare that's all. It happens sometimes. Don't worry,"
    I ate scrambled eggs for breakfast before rushing to catch the bus. Throughout the day, my thoughts were clouded with last night's nightmare. To keep myself busy, I did my homework early. My mother raised an eyebrow when I told her but remained silent. It wasn't till it was bedtime that I noticed.
    "Mom!"
    "Yes sweetie?"
    "Where's all my white pillows?" Desperately hoping they weren't in the washer.
    "In the washer. You kicked everything off the bed so I had to wash it. You'll have them back tomorrow," she said leaving without another word. Mentally panicked, I prepared for a long night.
    A minute after midnight it happened.
    Tonight I wrapped myself into a burrito but the thing came out since nothing was blocking it. Its sinister smile revealed two pointy front teeth.
    "Finally! I was getting cramped up under there," It said stretching and cracking it's neck to the side.
    "Please don't eat me. Please don't eat me. Please do-"
    "I'm not gonna eat you," It stared at me amused. Slowly, I removed the blankets and saw the thing. It's now pink eyes glowed softly as it smiled kindly at me. Dumbfounded, I stared at the thing that was supposedly going to eat me.
    "You're... not going to eat me?" I asked, mostly to myself.
    "I get it. I look like a terrifying monster," It sighed before continuing, "I'm just a bit furry and not the most appealing color. I promise I'm a teddy bear at heart. By the way, I'm The Tickler but you can call me Sir T for short. What's your name kid?" I realized it was waiting for an answer.
    "I'm Penny," I mumbled still unsure if this was real.
    "Nice name. If you don't mind I'm going to stick out under your bed. The other kids and monsters don't really like me," It shuffled its feet looking at the ground. I decided to suck it up and go for it.
    "I don't really have a problem you know. Could you do me a favor though?"
    "How may i please thy highness?" I giggled as it bowed to me.
    "Can you tell me a story about yourself?" Both our eyes lighting up at the spark of this new friendship.
 

So great to know that instead of going to bed at 11:00 I am going to bed at 12:30 since I decided to secretly write a story about the dark in the dark. Not the smartest idea out there, I know. Anyways I must admit that the dark is lowkey scary which is why I keep my bedroom door closed at night. I read books in the dark and wrote this in the dark so it's not a horrible fear. Sweet dreams to whenever you guys go to sleep and hopefully you find inspiration for your writing. Enjoy! :D <3

Peer Review

I guess the whole "monster" thing had me intrigued the whole time, it was very suspenseful and you wrote it very well so that the reader is really involved in the whole story. Plus the end had a whole plot twist that really put the bow on the present or however you say it.


uhhhh the only thing I can think of is maybe have a sequel where the girl and the monster become better friends although I do really like where you ended off and you included all of the important details to the story like the pillows and the introduction of her mom. This story is interesting because it takes place mostly at night and it doesn't delve (is that even a word) into the girl's school life but I like that about it because school isn't really important to the story. I think everything about what you did was perfect!


Reviewer Comments

This is probably my favorite story of yours!! You did everything perfectly and there was so much impeccable imagery that made me really feel like I was in the story, and then the suspense throughout the entire story had me hooked with the amazing plot twist at the end. Greatttt job <3