I never felt this way about anyone before. I'm terrified to tell him how I really feel about him. What if he rejects me? I think I am about to throw up. I look up and he is looking at me as if I am a madman. I jump, slightly startled. I am going to tell him how I feel.
I never told him face-to-face. I was too scared, so I sent it to him in a text. He hasn't replied to it yet. I am slowly losing my mind. I wonder what he will say. Will it be good or bad? I feel like I have just made the biggest mistake of my life.
I am getting ahead of myself. All of this started my eighth grade year in middle school. I first met him in band. He was sweet and kind. He was overall amazing. I asked him out and he said yes. We had an amazing 4 months together. I, however, ruined everything. I left him for another guy. Yeah, big mistake I know. I miss him everyday. He doesn't know that though. I never told him. Okay, fast forward to present day. Today is October 25, 2016. I texted him yesterday telling him how I really felt. Again, big mistake. Here is what happened after he replied...
I told him I loved him, that i missed him, I wanted him back, and that it hurt feeling like he didn't feel the same. He looked at the message, but didn't reply yet. Hours later, he finally replied. He told me that he didn't feel the same way, that I was nothing more than a friend to him. I re-read the message over and over again. I feel like my heart just broke into a million pieces. I poured my heart out to him and got rejected. It hurts so much I can hardly breath. I just want to run and never look back. Why does it hurt so much? I just want the pain to go away. I never want to feel like this again. This kind of pain hurts more than anything, knowing the person you love doesn't feel the same way.
I rush to the bathroom in a puddle of tears. I curl up on the ground sobbing and wanting to scream out in agony. I soon have to rush toilet for fear that I amy upchuck. Why must I feel this way? I need to just pull myself together and walk out with a smile on my face and pretend it doesn't hurt at all. Easier said than done, I know. I get up and walk over to the mirror, fixing my makeup and drying my tears. I look at my pitiful reflection and wonder why I can't get a guy to like me. Do I try to hard to impress people? Am I not pretty enough? Ugh! What is wrong with me?