Peer Review by HelpMe512 (United States)

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"i miss my cocoa butter kisses"

By: Dmoral


FREE WRITING


i ache for the days we use to play with chalk where the things we only wish to draw were the pretty things that flew across our dreams
then mama would call for us saying "hurry, while supper stills hot" and hitting us as we run inside while hushing "grow up"
but ten years go by and our fingertips are stained for reds and blues, leftover truths from what we've painted on the bricks on our streets
then mama hollers for us to come up screamin' "where you been?" waving her rag like it's got a bug in it and sighing "what are you doin?"

i miss the times when we made mistakes that were still considered okay because everyone our age is still learning with innocence in hand
where mama cries out with a hand on the heart "it'll be alright baby" and making unnecessary huffs and puffs then always adding "just don't do it next time"
but ten years go by and our tongue form the sharp word error whenever one thing goes wrong, because we're crawling in a world that's running
where mama bellows unspeakable phrases yelling things like "you dumb demons" and barely holding back sobs of "look what you've done".

i mourn for the days not knowing who we want to be was still funny since we kept choosing different things daily
so mama cheers on our dancing, singing "you'll be a star baby" and we knowing that night she'll mumble "they'll be doctors or something"
but ten years go by yet we can't figure out a future involving dinner and what we're eating all we know is we can't do nothing
so mama barks for us to start "getting our acts together" and we'll nod our heads with frowns as she grumbles "go on, be something great"

the title is a reference few of you will probably get, so here:  Chance The Rapper - Cocoa Butter Kisses 
"is about chance turning into a man who repulses his mother. he misses the day when he still had his innocence and his mother used to give him sweet kisses." ~genius lyrics
(if u got the reference, comment below & let me know bc we need to be friends)

For: Samina's contest, #Samina50, prompt 2.
lowercase intentional.
Finished: 3/27/2020

Message to Readers

don't overthink it. i really do mean everything i wrote in this piece though. growing up sucks and it's tough, here are some of the rough patches. but yeah. i was feelin' pretty nostalgic while writing this piece, but hey- can u blame me?


Peer Review

I really like how this piece demonstrated the hardships of growing up. You did a fantastic job with contrasting the two time periods, and this style works really well for this subject! I loved this.


There was a few places where the phrasing could be better, but all in all this is incredibly well written. I wish I could give you more suggestions but honestly, I can't really think of much else.


Reviewer Comments

Nice job! I really enjoyed reading this!