Burnsong

FREE WRITING

I'm gasping and holding my breath
And I'm crying out depth
Wishing and cracking
There's a "no-going-back" sting
Wrapping around me
Because love's never free
It comes with a price
Nothing will suffice
Not until this is over
And I finally find closure

No, I'm not blaming you
All you've done is stay true
To your feelings for another girl
Your heart's a precious pearl
I'll stay on the sidelines
Just pace between skylines
Wait for the finish
And my love to diminish
Why can't I leave them
These feelings I condemn
I'll be here on my floor
Until you walk out the door
Or my heart does the same
I can't give up your name

Peer Review

What about this piece delighted, surprised, or moved you?

I absolutely love the flow that you have created. The lack of punctuation led me to read the poem in almost one breath, reflecting the first two lines explaining the speaker's breathing and distraught state. Really well done!

What else would you like to know? Where might the writer deepen an idea or question? Would additional details invite you further into the writing?

I really like the line "Because love's never free." What are the costs? Providing some more detail about this could be interesting.

Reviewer Comments

I really love this poem, I don't say this often. I think you can definitely delve deeper into unique feelings, the emotions presented are very relatable, so adding some unique effects of the situation would enhance it. Nonetheless, the flow, rhyme, word choice, and grammar and punctuation details really come together nicely!