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Message to Readers
This is for a contest, I really need help with connecting my ideas. I'm still working on the ending, please let me know any suggestions! I like my concept, but want to be sure I execute it well. I would appreciate ANY feedback and constructive criticism.
This piece is incredibly moving and sophisticated; each sentence is layered with so much meaning and emotional weight while never feeling clunky or dishonest. As someone who also has someone they love suffer from dementia, this story completely resonated with me and the clever metaphor of the subjunctive used throughout perfectly represents how dementia manifests itself. You are a truly gifted writer!
As you've mentioned that you 'have a bit more to go from here' I would love to see what direction you take the narrative in; does the narrator find a way to find common ground with their father? How will they deal with any breakthroughs or setbacks? Does Señora Vásquez play a further role in the story and our understanding of it? Either way, I can't wait to see where you take the story!
This piece is really moving, sophisticated and elegant, reminiscent of magical realist literature such as The House of the Spirits by Isabel Allende or One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, particularly in the discussion and emphasis on family. Fantastic job!