United States

formerly sc3n3-b3an
a place to express feelings
not here to fight about politics, just to write

Message to Readers

i haven't participated in a competition/prompt yet, so i felt that it was time to do so.

and i'll ramble because that's all i have left #126

March 12, 2020


you know the feeling when usually words would flow without sense from your fingertips and your mouth and your brain just won't stop going it has to move to write to live? and then suddenly it decides it's done with this and decides to die like the car battery once did in that parking lot. i don't like parking lots, a better name would be concrete graveyards. the heat radiating off them in the summer melts through skin and bone and you feel like a puddle of mush until the sweet cold release of the car air conditioning. i need a release when everything is too intense, so many emotions, experiences, sometimes it just gets to be where all of life is too much and you just want to die because there's nothing quieter. as i write this the guy beside me in study hall is giving me dirty looks and i think i'm typing too loud. not to be rude, but he needs a shower or deodorant or something. it'd be nice to have my olfactory system under a constant noxious assault any time i'm within three feet of him. it's freeing to write like this, unplanned, just to let all the cooped-up words tumble onto the paper, or well in this case, appear on the screen, without rhyme or reason, just to let them flow like a river into all the corners of the rocks and the banks. i miss the waterfalls. where i used to live, there were so many, flowing like bridal veils over rocks, beauty and danger, all in one. sometimes i get the urge just to find the nearest bus and take me to the furthest city away i can get, change my name, and start a new life. just the chance to start over again, a clean slate, is the only thing i desire. to be rid of the scars of the past, and step anew. and even if things turned out badly, at least i would no longer be doomed by fate's repeating record as it seems i am now. an endless cycle of unstable adoration and emptiness. why does it seem that this is to be the case? is it my lack of boldness to perform any potentially risk-filled actions without a new persona? is it a complete and utter lack of self esteem, washed away from multiple experiences like a sandcastle on a beach? or is it just that i am doomed to be an empty void, forever wanting what i cannot have, the one emotion all humans seem to share, love? i do not know, and having no divine intelligence, i believe i may never find the answer to these questions. i know my experiences, thoughts, and feelings may be unusual or strange to you, the reader. you are so used to your world of #mood and #relatable, that anything that deviates from your definition of a norm, whether it may be an intentional counter-culture or what one would simply consider normal, that you forget that there is more in this world than just you. for there is more in the universe than just earth, and there is so much more in this life than you or me. i hope seeing a slice into the mind of one considered by many, even those who consider themselves quirky or unusual to be abnormal, can help you see this. 


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  • hi i'm jackson ;)

    w h o a h
    t h i s i s i n c r e d i b l e
    congratulations, you’ve made a piece that gave me chills. I love it. Keep writing. You are super talented.

    12 months ago
  • panda!

    about 1 year ago
  • Anne Blackwood


    about 1 year ago