Peer Review by BizzleWrites (Australia)

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Heartbreak

By: Coolgirl2020


Summer break begins
Fourteen hours
On a plane
Cramped seats
Watching outdated movies
At the airport
Hugging my mom
Riding a taxi
Unpack my stuff
Kissing my baby cousin
Hugging my aunt and uncle
Going to an amusement park
Riding rollercoasters
Having fun
Packing my stuff
Riding for hours in a bus
Listening to Pentatonix
Reaching the apartment
Hugging and kissing my grandfather
Eating dinner with my family
Riding another taxi
To the hospital
Walking up the staircase
Looking at the frail frame of my grandma
Hugging and kissing her
Visiting her week after week
Riding back on the bus
Answering the phone
Waiting for news
Watching as Mom flies on an airplane
Back to the hospital
Hearing the news
Feeling the shock
Heart...
Shatters
Breaks
Numbs
Going to the funeral
Mourning the loss
Crying rivers of tears
Waiting
Waiting
And waiting
Why?
Because
Maybe
If I wait
Long enough
My heart
Will begin
To heal


Message to Readers

Thank you, Madelyn (Carolina Girl), for the advice. I have changed the format. Hope you like it! :)


Peer Review

This is really what loss feels like. It always feels like it's moving to fast, like you want to go back. That is why this piece is so AMAZING. You captured the feeling in a way that makes people feel like their own loved ones are dying. It is just incredible.


No, not really. It was just awesome.


Listening to Pentatonix, they are the best and I love that detail.


Reviewer Comments

This piece is the best! I love it and it is incredible.