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Message to Readers
Any suggestions or tips to improve are appreciated.
I would say that this piece is insightful about our paradoxes and contradictions as human beings.
I feel its biggest strength is that it is unflinchingly honest, drawing light to truth we sometimes overlook.
The last stanza was somewhat confusing because I felt as if the speaker was trying to bring across two ideas within the same paragraph as signposted by the "but"s. Perhaps a further breakdown of the paragraph will be a clearer sign to the readers of the author's incorporation of her own ideas. I couldn't decide whether it was humans making stupid choices or us that keep spending unwisely that leads to the speaker's thoughts on human behaviour.
I liked how the poem was structured such that it was an observation in the first two lines of each stanza followed by a contradiction, it creates a kind of pattern for the readers to expect.
I particularly liked the stanza about Darkness, Blood and Water (stanza 4), but I couldn't decide on the purpose of that stanza, Water seemed to pull the direction of the poem in a different direction.
I really liked this piece and it's effort to rhyme! I felt that it made human behaviour somewhat beautiful and poetic despite its flaws. :) Nice job!