Peer Review by Fabiana250 (Peru)

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One Week (Part Two to St. Valentine's Day Dance)

By: V-Rose


FREE WRITING

Dear Journal of Random Thought,                                                                  Entry of February 15 by Kayle Smith
    People say love is indescribable. I'm only fourteen so I wouldn't know, but yesterday, Daniel asked me to dance. And then he said he liked me. I've only been at Lewis Academy for three years but he always acted like I was weird because I was smart. I don't know how to respond to anything like that but... he asked me to be his Valentine. I want to say yes, except books have taught me that with young love comes pain. But they also taught me to take chances.

So what do I do?
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Daniel approached me Thursday morning after the St. Valentine's Dance. I was at my locker, grabbing my supplies for math and language arts. I felt him wrap his arms around me and I reacted before any rational thoughts entered my brain. I shoved my heavy math binder down on his hands and I felt him jump back in alarm.

"Don't do that!" I scolded him.

"Why not?" He reached to hold my books from me but I pulled them tight against my chest. I would hold my own books, thank you very much!

"Because Mister Kenith, I may have been your Valentine but that day ended a few hours ago."

Daniel pursed his lips. "So I have to ask you to be my girlfriend to do that?"

I smirked a little. "Yeah. So good luck with that."

Daniel rolled his eyes and started walking with me down the hall. We had math together. The school was too small to have a gifted class or an honors class so I had a class with all the eighth-graders. After a few minutes of walking in silence, Daniel started talking again. "So where are you going to high school?"

I shrugged. "I'm still not totally sure yet. Probably another Academy."

"Really?" he asked. Before I could respond, he started talking again. "I'm going to the local high school. My parents said they'd let me go to whatever school I wanted. I guess you didn't get that choice."

I rolled my eyes as I pushed the door to the math classroom. "You sure like listening to yourself talk." I turned into the classroom where all the conversations had hushed and everyone was looking at us. I inwardly moaned. Of course. Us dancing would have raised some questions and Daniel walking with me to class would raise even more. I slinked away from Daniel and slipped into my seat next to Racheal. She raised her eyebrows at me and I mouthed "Drama". She kind of looked suspicious but she turned away to look at Mrs. Gillbert at the front of the classroom.

We reviewed the solving two-step equations and I got bored and started doodling in my math binder. I drew some flowers and then some random lines. We solved a few problems on the board but by the time the class was over, some students still didn't understand the concept even though this lesson was supposed to be review. I sighed and grabbed my books. Racheal grabbed my arm before I could get out the door.

"What is going on between you and Daniel?" she demanded.

"Nothing," I said.

"That sounded like a very interesting nothing."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, totally interesting." The sarcasm rolled off of my tongue and I looked at her before almost smacking into Daniel who was waiting in front of me.

I scowled. "What?"

"Is that any way to treat your future boyfriend?" he asked, taking my free reading book out of my stack. 

I reached for it, having to kind of jump for it because I was shorter than Daniel. I could hear Racheal almost squealing behind me. "Is that any way to talk to your never-girlfriend?" I managed to get ahold of the book and pulled his hand down to pry the book from his grasp.

Daniel let go of the book and leaned closer to me. "Come on, Kayle. I really love you. Give me a chance to prove I can be a good boyfriend."

I looked away and sighed. "Daniel, I'm me and you're you. We-" I pointed at the two of us. "-are not people who typically mix."

His shoulders dropped a little bit. "And we can change that. Come on, I know you like science. Let's treat this as an experiment. Give me one week to be your boyfriend and see what you think." He looked so hopeful.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine." Before he could smile, though, I said, "One week. That is your time to prove to me that you can be my boyfriend." His smile still spread across his face and he walked down the hall with his hands in his pockets.

I turned to Racheal. "Rach," I said, seeing her expression. "Do not overreact and get overly excited."

She squealed at the top of her lungs and everyone in the hall turned to look at us. "That," I said. "Is literally what I told you not to do."

She smiled widely and I grabbed her arm. "Let's go."

She just kept smiling at me. I sighed. This was the part that made me realize Middle School is not easy. And also that I needed to get some duct tape for whenever Racheal squealed like that again.


Message to Readers

Once more, this is part two. Please enjoy!


Peer Review

The fact that Daniel is really into Kayle even though she isnĀ“t sure about their relationship shows that type of guy that Daniel is: a caring and sweet guy (at least from my perspective). All the scenes that happened in this part were written smoothly and I enjoyed reading them. I also liked the fact that you put real emotions and doubts about relationships (showed in Kayle's character) because many people are unsure about it and it's something that happens in real life.


Perhaps you could go a bit deeper about what Daniel likes in Kayle since he's asking her to be his girlfriend. Maybe he could say that to her? Beyond that, I think everything's really good.


Reviewer Comments

This was so cute! You have definitely talent for this, keep writing!