Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
This is actually my second draft. I know it's not the best but pls. bare with it.. Comments for improvement is accepted. God Bless!!
Your personal connection and obvious familiarity and ease with the topic of your op-ed draws me into your writing and makes me want to continue reading. Additionally, your writing communicates how much this topic matters to you, which makes reading your piece passionate and compelling.
Farmers from the highlands of Cordillera in the Philippines are harmed by the current trading system and should receive government support to ensure fairer prices for their crops.
You make use of multiple statics, all of which support your main argument. However, I was most compelled by the glimpse of an anecdote that you incorporated into your writing when you wrote about how having farmers as parents affected your life.
This writing would benefit from the addition of an anecdote expanding upon how this issue has affected your personally. An anecdote would allow readers to connect further with you and your writing and would draw them further into your topic. An even more effective way to do this, which you have already begun doing, would be to use a statistic in combination with an anecdote. Introducing an argument with a personal experience and then reinforcing it with facts would be an effective and creative way to convince readers further.
Your personal voice and passion really shine through with this piece - keep going and showcase what makes your writing unique. Your writing shows your passion for and familiarity with your topic, so, with perseverance, I am sure that this piece will go a long way.
Your ideas and arguments, as well as your evidence, are crystal clear, but they are sometimes interrupted by small grammatical or spelling mistakes. Try reading through your piece while looking specifically for these; fixing these minor errors will improve the flow of your writing and allow your ideas to shine through. Finally, best of luck writing! It has been a honor reviewing your work, and I can't wait to see how your final piece turns out!