Peer Review by ariii (Singapore)

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


Can we go back?

By: Lola-mae


FREE WRITING

Can we go back? To a time with hot summer days and cool breezes. Riding through massive autumn puddles with the car windows down. Sitting under picturesque spring trees ripe with cherry blossoms and reading your favourite book. Playing in the winter snow with your friends to see who will throw the snowball first. 

Or must way stay in this no-man's land? Where it snows on the first day of spring so much that we can't go to school. Where our summer is one long rainy day that is no longer fun because we have all grown up. Where autumn is frozen and winter is burnt. Christmas shouldn't be warm on the outside and cold on the inside. 

But we have grown up. And we no longer have time to read under our favourite tree. And puddles aren't fun any more they are just... Wet. And we no longer play in the snow, instead we argue in our houses. And the hot summer days have disappeared with the stress of becoming an adult. 

Our days have become less like days and more like years. We force ourselves into routines in hopes of making enough money to pay for a family of 7 and we come home to our kids that are so understanding. How could a 5 year old possibly know not to ask for too much? But they are kids who were forced to grow up too fast. 

For them, days have always been years. For them, puddles have only been wet and snow is just cold and summer days were never there. But they didn't complain. Because we  love them. And all they know is love. And all they know is bedtime stories. And all they know is waking up at 4am to watch their favourite show with dad before he goes to work. And all they know is singing songs together. 

​Maybe we shouldn't go back. To a world where love was unbeknownst to us. To a world where we made no compromises. To a world with no bedtime stories and no songs. If we went back... Would they still be here? 

Message to Readers

How I could improve


Peer Review

I loved the description and it made me feel as if I was there myself.

I would like to know more about why you chose to explore this theme, but I feel that you could have put more plot in the writing but love it because I can tell you out a lot of thought into this

Reviewer Comments

keep writing!!