WishfulKittyKat1

United States

Writer. Future lawyer. Nerd. Sister. Christian. Violinist. Singer. Actor. Not-a-dancer. Queer. I'm this kaleidoscope of labels that are supposed to describe me.

Message from Writer

Update on LGBTQ contest: I am going through the submissions now. Thank you to everyone who submitted! I hope to announce winners on 4/10.

How to Be Okay

February 29, 2020

FREE WRITING

26
School - Your teacher says something in that tone of voice, your friend laughs in just the right way, and all at once you feel it. Your ID's lanyard is sandpaper against your skin. Take it off. Your breath chokes you. Breathe anyway. You will be okay.
Don’t let your voice shake. The ones that care about you are surprisingly perceptive. Raise your hand and ask to go to the bathroom. Speak slowly. Meet the teacher's eyes. They will understand. They will recognize the panic in your eyes, see your left hand restraining the right one, and they will understand. Leave the room before the squeaking of the chairs and the heavy breathing of your neighbor becomes too much and you start to cry. Take your phone with you. You will be okay.
As soon as you bolt the door of the bathroom stall, text your mother. Yes, your mother. It doesn’t matter how old you are. You need her. It doesn’t matter what she’s doing. She will respond.
Her initial message will be full of questions. Focus on answering them. Yes, all of them. Do not get angry. Focus on the task and you will be okay.
Remember to breathe. If you pass out in the bathroom, you will feel worse when you wake up. Sit down on the toilet. If you hit your head in the bathroom, you might have to go to the hospital.
Don’t give in to the compulsion, no matter how strong it is. No matter how easy it would be. No matter how it would only be once. You will regret it later.
Don’t get exasperated when your mother responds with more questions. She will have an answer for you soon. You will be okay.
Answer her questions, then leave the stall. Wash your hands. It will make you feel clean. If you have been crying, splash your face with cold water and dry it well. The ones that care about you are surprisingly perceptive.
Return to class. They will pretend not to notice when you put your phone in your lap. When it buzzes, look at it. Your mother has a solution.
Take her advice. She has lived longer than you, lived with this longer than you, and you will be okay.
Make it through the day. You have to. Close your eyes when it flares up again. Ignore the sniggering about how you have fallen asleep. Send a pleading look to the administrator who tells you to put your ID back on. If they do not understand, step very close to them and explain that the idea makes you nauseous. Unclench your hands and show them where your nails have eaten into your palms. Make it through the day, and you will be okay.
When you get in the car, cry. Crying will make it better and your mother will not judge you. Go  home and take a bath. Homework can wait, even if it means that you won’t sleep tonight. Soon, you will feel better. Soon, you will be okay.

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10 Comments
  • bwaydreams <3

    Its so good omg. I hate how everyone who relates to this piece knows what "the compulsion" is. :(


    2 months ago
  • lindsmariebuck

    Just like everyone else has said your piece of great. It is so beautifully written.


    3 months ago
  • Charisse Marison

    This was an awesome piece! I feel like some people are afraid to ask for help sometimes, so I love how you encouraged people to ask other people for help and advice! As someone with anxiety, this really helped! Tysm!


    4 months ago
  • K-9crazy

    I LOVE how you encourage your readers to look to their Moms! So few people do that these days. Go Moms!


    5 months ago
  • AnimeNoodle

    This...this piece is so well written. I started crying mid-way. This piece made my day. Keep writing!


    5 months ago
  • Loser

    Wow, this captures so much feeling, the feeling of anxiety at school. Very well-written.


    5 months ago
  • Anne Blackwood

    This is absolutely stunning. As someone who used to have social anxiety, this really spoke to me. I'm so in awe of how vividly you described what I never was able to. This is such a valuable piece. Thank you.


    5 months ago
  • Upsidownpenguin

    somehow you managed to capture each moment of anxiety to the point of where my body started reacting to the descriptions as if i were having one-- in a good way, though.


    5 months ago
  • Miss Aries

    I really love this piece!! Keep it up


    5 months ago
  • HelpMe512

    Wow this is incredible! Awesome job


    5 months ago