Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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yellow and blue

By: mossmachinery


FREE WRITING

i write in the morning, because i don't want the only light to be coming from my laptop.
because i like the warmth of the sunlight more than the blue-white of a screen, and the warm more than the cold. because i'd rather hear traffic and birds than my music to make up the lost sound at night. because i watch the sunlight when i am alone, and only think the moon is pretty in company. because everything is illuminated in the day, and plunged into mystery at night,

and for all my pride in writing, i am scared of unknowns.


Message to Readers

maybe its because i'm from a tropical country, but i've found that there is a direct correlation between my happiness and how long its been since i've last seen sunlight.


Peer Review

what I enjoyed about this piece was that I never felt like I knew where it was going, so the ending surprised me. I love mornings too (though I have been guilty of writing in the night haha) and it was refreshing to see a similar thought!


perhaps a little can be added on what the author writes - so the reader can explore the emotional relationship the author has with writing (why does writing mean pride, for instance), besides the physical experiences. "for all my pride in writing" piqued my curiosity for what sort of pride the author holds, and what writing means for you, and so I thought it was a little of a pity that it was left unexplored. :') what about unknowns and writing and mornings? I'd love to hear more!


Reviewer Comments

I like the feeling of capturing a memory, which I feel this does because it transports you to the moment of writing in the morning. This piece felt more like a sketch - the scenes flit quickly and the crux of the picture somewhat buried in the drafts. The main comment from me would be that there seems to be only one main experience for now (the physical experience contrasting night and day) so perhaps it'd be interesting to compare the colours/feelings/thoughts of night and day too so as to lend more significance and meaning to your last line.

a minor point; I wonder about the significance of the title - because I feel that if the colours had been an inspiration for the piece (or maybe these colours are what the piece is supposed to bring in mind), then why not explore more with how you can tease out what you wish to evoke ;)

All the best in your future writing endeavours ~ I hope this review sparked some inspiration :D