erinsheckard38

United States of America

Mother

June 24, 2016

FREE WRITING

1
Tell me why you did it, will you?
Why you let her do that to me. 
Tell me why, mother,
why you're so unfeeling. 
You let her attack me,
belittle me,
intimidate me,
confront me,
block me,
terrify me,
and you lie to me. 
You say you love me,
but you lie. 

You told me to 'put my differences aside.'
I did. 
That, and anxiety,
my fear,
my anger,
and I was stopped. 
Told not to 'dictate'
like I'm the benevolent one. 
The one in control,
when, in truth,
I never have been. 
You're in control. 
She's in control. 

My mind is a fucking prison. 
No, a fucking asylum,
and I'm the only patient on the inside. 
My screams echo and bounce off the concrete walls
only to make a full circuit
back to my lonely ears. 
Mother, tell me why, please?
Mom, why have you left me alone here?
To scream on my own here?
Mommy, why are you there?
You locked me behind these bars. 
Screaming, screaming, screaming. 
I'm alone, alone, alone. 

I'm a child in here. 
Stuck, stuck, stuck. 
Trapped, trapped, trapped. 
You've regressed me to nothing more than
an anxiety ridden,
fear consumed,
terror addled child. 
Think about that, will you, Mother?
I've grown up,
but I'm a child. 
I'm strong,
but I'm afraid. 
Think about that, will you, Mother?

I'm sane, but I'm crazy 
I'm a never ending paradox
of overwhelming everything. 
This continuous loop, 
this god damn Möbius strip
is tiring,
dizzying,
maddening. 
What's the point?
Tell me. 
What's 
the 
point?

Mother, I'm crazy. 
Mother, I'm gone. 
Mother, this is me. 
This is me telling you how it is. 
I'm crazy,
gone,
mad, 
insane. 
And 

blame
you, 
Mother. 

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