AcetheticallyPleasing

United States

Asexual || Dreamer || Hufflepuff
Hopeless romantic dreaming to find her true love
Songs || Stories || Poems
In love with two people, plus someone who can never be mine.

Message to Readers

Can you guys tell that I screwed up? haha.

My Excuses

February 24, 2020

FREE WRITING

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What am I doing?
I've lived my whole life dreaming of finding true love, and now I have it.
But I'm not grateful for it.

I've always been scared of being tied down by a relationship, but I've always wanted a relationship. For the majority of my life, I've always done what I wanted and acted impulsively, because there was no one who liked me enough to feel neglected when I didn't pay attention to them. I've always bounced between the newest things that excite me in order to fill the hole in my heart left by a lack of receiving love. 

But now I have love. I'm in love with the most amazing person in the universe. My heart is getting used to the fact that "Hey, Ace, somebody actually wants your attention. Give it to them. Stop running away from them."

But I'm still running. Why am I running? Am I afraid that gaining their love means risking that they take it away as the others have? Am I acting on my fear of being restricted? Am I just being childish?

I don't know how to give people my attention for long periods of time. Nobody's wanted my attention before. Nobody's cared about my opinion of them before. Nobody's liked me so much that they're scared that I'm going to leave them. Nobody's needed me before. I'm suddenly important to someone and it's such a foreign concept that it gives me whiplash to think about.

Of course, those are just excuses.

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  • February 24, 2020 - 10:17am (Now Viewing)

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