Peer Review by HelpMe512 (United States)

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Child of Earth and Wax (#Kickoff!)

By: Ollie?


FREE WRITING

     The boy is drowning.
The boy is screaming, thrashing as the crystalline sludge swallows him
The boy's eyes flutter closed, he's losing it.

The boy is going to die.
But not yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
     The candlemaker's girl always smells like lavender. Her hair, her clothes, her skin. No matter how many times she washes, scrubs and cleans, its in her bones. 

And as annoying as it can be, its also comforting. At least something never abandons her.  

Unlike her mother, who she never really knew. Only that the lady was young and used to be happy, happy because she had a life of luxury. Happy because her husband, the candlemaker was in good graces with the king and the entire kingdom adored him. Happy because she was young, rich, famous, and childless. But when he fell from grace, she fell from love, leaving him with two young children and a broken heart.

Unlike her father, who after falling from grace, spent his time melting his life and health away, always at the tavern from dusk to dawn, only to come back to a cozy, spotless home diligently cleaned by cowering children, their skinny fingers clasping the frayed brooms.


Just like the candles she made as a toddler, her life was brittle, easy to shatter, nigh impossible to repair.

 


Message to Readers

Title to be determined, any suggestions?
All I know for sure is that I like the format ___of_____ and ______


Peer Review

I really liked the way you didn't just say "oh her parents abandoned her", but transitioned smoothly and made it captivating to read.


What significance does the boy play at all into the story? If this is going to be a series, I would love to find out more in a sequel.


Reviewer Comments

This was really well written! Awesome job!