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Message to Readers
So...this is like what I thought of. I was hung up on this vs. just writing about modern life and how I would want my perfect life to be. However, I concluded that it would be cooler to be in a Middle-Earth type setting than boring America...maybe not as safe and predictable though!
I am going to bed; I think I'm giving myself nightmares about spooky castles.
The first paragraph describing how village maids were supposed to behave was interesting! I was pleasantly surprised by how easily the story flowed and I enjoyed the slight romantic tension. ;)
I would like to know more about the world of that time: the culture, for instance, of how against the norm is it for a girl to be with a boy alone? Would Elyse be the only one rebelling against such a patriarchal system? I like how the world building was smoothly done and I never felt overwhelmed with all the information and details. In fact, I think you could afford to add more details, perhaps about the traditional roles boys were supposed to live out; when did Liam stop playing with her? Did he initially resist against what others told him to do as he matured? How did others around them grow into the roles they were supposed to adopt in society? I'd really love to know! Perhaps if you ever develop this story, you can about how to incorporate the magic element – how in-tune with magic is their world?
An interesting premise that promises magic, romance, and adventure! You clearly have a knack for show-not-tell and I'd love to see more of it when it comes to Elyse and Liam's relationship. The story set up also reminded me of Pixar's Brave, and Lloyd Alexander's The Chronicles of Prydain and Princess Eilonwy, so I'm wondering (just a little challenge for you) how would your protagonist stand apart from theirs? ((psst this question would be more important if you are ever thinking of publishing a book))
I really like how the writing was really easy to read – it felt like I flew through their mishaps! I enjoyed getting to know Elyse (and even Henry) and would love to hear more about this world. I like how you intersperse a little humour in Elyse's day-to-day life; it's not easy to get laughter from a reader!
Not much major criticisms! I'm actually fairly impressed heheh I think I can see your writing style shining through – hence why I picked on the many "suddenlys" hahah I think you could push yourself to experiment with different words and even sentence structures to bring out the changes in rhythm and scene.
Wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours; I hope this review helped you! May you keep writing and adventuring :D