Peer Review by VividReverie (Australia)()

Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.

Tap on comment to view. Using a mouse?

Hover over comments to view. On a touch device?


A Simple Travesty

By: jggregory1233


    Ever since I was about 10 years old, I remembered being fascinated by the topic of various large and looming problems. But specifically, I was very interested in climate change. As I have grown up, I have continued to learn about climate change and I've stayed involved in political debates on the topic. There are so many differing opinions on climate change, with some believing that there is no such thing as climate change at all. Seeing young adults my age, such as Greta Thunberg and Boyan Slat and the large impact that they are having on the environment, along with the exposure to the issues that are pollution and climate change, I am more inspired than ever to help my generation be the group to end climate change and help eliminate as much pollution from our Earth as possible.

    First and foremost: climate change is a real thing. It is not just a concept conjured up by one political party to stir up a debate with another, there is rock-solid evidence that the Earth is drastically warmer than it was 50 years ago. I've noticed that the geese aa The people who believe that climate change doesn't exist are extremely ignorant, and a very large reason why pollution and climate change aren't being taken care of with urgency.

     In my sleepy little town of Findlay, Ohio, we are far from a large metropolitan area. However, we are home to the HQ of Marathon Petroleum Company, one of the largest natural gas and petroleum companies in the world. We are also home to a very large Whirlpool appliances factory. This Whirlpool factory, in particular, is a very large source of employment to Findlay, and overall is a very large contributor to Findlay's economy. In 2015, this Whirlpool plant installed 5 wind turbines to help power it's factory. While this by itself isn't extremely groundbreaking, I believe the principle piece of the matter was how united the city was over the cause. The vast majority of the city was all for the turbines, and that is a very encouraging sign. For a small sleepy, Republican city such as Findlay to be all in on a concept that would not just provide cleaner energy for Whirlpool, but would also raise issues of climate change and the need for cleaner energy, I was elated to see everyone so unified. These wind turbines can power about 300-400 homes each, and there are 5 in total. This will ultimately keep Whirlpool away from using fossil fuels for power and will persuade other companies to join in on cleaner energy.

     Not too far from my town of Findlay lies the Toledo Zoo, one of the shining stars of Toledo. In the winter, it turns into a winter wonderland full of twinkling lights and Christmas spirit. In the warmer months, it is a wonderful family-friendly experience that always has something for everyone. However, this most remarkable part about this zoo is the fact that the zoo has a dedicated solar panel field to powering the zoo. In fact, only a year after the solar panels were built in September 2015, the panels met 30 percent of the zoo's power needs. This is one of the Toledo Zoo's many efforts to help reduce their carbon footprint, such as using almost 100% recycled materials in a majority of their plates and cups, eliminating the use of palm oil in all products to help protect orangutan habitats and using a roof made of plants to help cool the building and prevent storm runoff from that building.

     While the efforts to reduce one's carbon footprint are certainly a good sign, I think the biggest piece of resolving our environmental crises is awareness. If we could get everyone on the same page, to create a world where everyone is in the fight against climate change and pollution, the hardest part would be complete. I wonder sometimes if we don't fix this issue, how much longer our Earth has left. I wonder if my children or my grandchildren will be able to enjoy the quality of life on Earth as I do. I leave you with this: the world won't change unless we change it, and it won't last forever. Go outside and explore all the wonderful things the Earth has to offer. You'll be very surprised by what kind of adventures you'll find.
     
 


Peer Review

My favourite element of this piece was the paragraph focusing on the Toledo Zoo and the actions it has taken to be a sustainable business. I found this compelling because it was well written and engaging, and you backed it up with examples.


This piece speaks broadly about the impact of climate change, but also goes into detail about two projects taking place in your local area. You've done a great job of explaining what the Whirlpool factory and the Toledo Zoo are doing to reduce their environmental impact, but the stakes are a bit unclear. You could try and include more information on how climate change is impacting your area and the world in general, to provide context for these projects.


I enjoyed reading about the Whirlpool factory and the Toledo Zoo. You explained them well, and I think you provided enough detail for it to be intriguing, making me want to know more about these projects, but not confusing. Good job!
However, I would have liked to read more about why climate change is an issue for Findlay, since, like I mentioned above, it is a little unclear what the stakes are and why these projects matter. It doesn't have to be very in-depth or detailed, but I think that adding some information about the impact climate change is having on your life or the lives of others would provide some necessary context.
Other than that, the key points in this piece were well explained.


Your explanations of what's happening in your community to make a change were great! They were clear and provided good examples of how a company can become more environmentally friendly. If you can make the other parts of this piece just as informative and clear, it'll be amazing!


Reviewer Comments

Overall, I really enjoyed reading this piece! It was informative and inspiring to see what people of Findlay are doing to help minimise their impact on the environment. With a bit of revision, I'm sure you can make this even better!