aralyn.kay

United States

black lives matter

Message to Readers

Please nothing pro-ed or anything along the lines of "Just eat"

Anorexia (TW)

February 8, 2020

FREE WRITING

6
I 
Mom, I've been having some problems with eating 
gaunt face, lanugo, intolerance to cold, I haven’t eaten for eight days  
Sit ups, calorie counting, going for runs, all I wanted to do was lose weight 
Looser leotard, hoodies, sweatpants, I hate my body so much 
Comparison, salads, no meat, no sugar, the other girls at dance are all so thin 
Leg lifts, “I don’t like cupcakes,” attempted purging, and I wanted to look like them 
Panic attacks, chewing and spitting, I’m so sorry. 
II 
Mom, I think I’m relapsing 
Skipping lunch, pro-ana tumblr, myfitnesspal, I don’t think I ever really recovered 
“I’m lactose intolerant,” hiding food, exercise, I’ve been struggling a lot more than I was 
Water loading, rocks in my pockets, opening my skin, I didn’t get a lot of support with friends 
“You’re not even skinny,” encouraging me, wanting to die, and I feel like that caused all of this 
Attempted suicide, crying in the bathroom, obsessive weighing, I need more support. 
III 
But then maybe you’re sent to an inpatient facility 
And maybe you get a tube put down your throat 
But then you realize 
You have so much to live for 
Because you met her, and you realize that maybe recovery is worth it 
So you push through 
You still struggle 
 But a hell of a lot less than you did 
All because you know 
That you deserve to  
Live 

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  • February 8, 2020 - 1:48pm (Now Viewing)

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6 Comments
  • aralyn.kay

    loveletterstosappho- oh my goodness thank you so much


    12 months ago
  • loveletterstosappho

    hey—i'm not really sure how to write this comment because everything you've written here reminds me of my best friend, maybe not factually but in essence. section III of this poem is so so important, and i really hope that you're maintaining your will to live and recover because it's possible and i don't know you but you deserve a life beyond this and i hope that you will reach it. wishing you well for the future <3


    12 months ago
  • aralyn.kay

    SmartlyStupid- I’m gonna punch him where is he


    about 1 year ago
  • Cae

    Well I’m gonna cri


    about 1 year ago
  • Cae

    Well I’m gonna cri


    about 1 year ago
  • SmartlyStupid920

    I <3 this, my friend has anorexia and this dude didn't know how personal it is for me so he was like " just tell someone" "don't let it become an obsession" "just eat" "just stop" IN FRONT OF MY WHOLE CLASS. (almost punched him) soooooooooooooooo yeah


    about 1 year ago