Below, you'll see any text that was highlighted with comments from the reviewer.
Message to Readers
I like the way you describe things! It's very original and its very effective in bringing out the emotions in that particular situation. I had also appreciated how accurately you made use of the different slangs in the appropriate contexts to make it feel as though a person from the 1940s has time-travelled and sat in front of me to tell me this story. Another thing I appreciated was the timeline that you had used which was really reminiscent of diary entries but was actually a countdown to the actual big event in your story. It has reminded me of John Green's "Looking for Alaska" (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/99561.Looking_for_Alaska?from_search=true&qid=FzcyA0y2Wo&rank=1) and definitely gave me warm fuzzies as you let me have a glimpse of Penelope's most delicate and intimate thoughts. Definitely a heartening read.
Definitely what became of Penelope and James and Tommy in the end. As well as how did Tommy make it back home. I would imagine that it had been an arduous journey for Tommy.
Your piece is, no doubt, a wonderful read. I like that you have done some research to make your characters to speak like they were in the 1940s, keep up the good work. However, there are some issues that you might want to take note of in the future.
1. It does appear, at least in this piece, that you're a little confused with punctuation. It is a good idea to go through how to use different punctuations in various contexts to make your article more easily understandable. However, there is no need to fret: punctuation errors are very common ones and can be resolved easily. I hope the hyperlinks below can be of some help.
For commas: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/comma/
For colons: https://grammar.yourdictionary.com/punctuation/grammar-colon-usage.html
2. At times it was a little hard to follow through with your story because of unclear references of places and contexts. It's always a good idea to state, right in the front of the paragraph, where your characters are at and what they are doing.
3. Whilst you have a flair for description, it is also a good idea to only describe what is necessary and revise your work after you're done writing it. I had the feeling that although some expressions (the description of dresses and makeup) of your expressions were elegant, they were extra. It is always good to have a clear purpose as to why you have added in those descriptions. E.g. The lipstick clung onto the dry areas of my lips, slowly releasing its grips only when moistened by my heartbroken tears. Once in a while, there are also awkward expressions here and there (that I would have highlighted for you). But that is a rather minor issue.
Overall, I hope you take heart and keep going! Your writing shows a very in-depth understanding of WWII and a huge literary potential. I am sure that you will become a very prolific writer in the near future and await to read more from you. :)