Peer Review by yapyapxy (Singapore)

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let me fly on wings of paper

By: HermioneGranger67


FREE WRITING

let me fly 
on my wings
of paper

splatters of ink
form curved feathers
curling paper
is the structure

my words will
lift me high
above the world we know
above everything

but the world pins me down
my feathers crushed
by politics and life
by anger and hatred

i can't stay down any longer
please
just let me fly
on my wings
of paper.


Peer Review

The idea of wings made out of paper was intriguing on its own and made me read on because I think they are both beautiful but fragile, and was curious as to how the author would explore the idea.


I would like to know what the wings of paper mean to the narrator - freedom? expression? escape? These nuances may help clarify the tone of your poem and perhaps even inspire some imagery! ;) I would also love more elaboration e.g. what colour were the splatters of ink? what patterns were the splatters in? how high would the wings lift you?


Reviewer Comments

Lovely idea, and a wonderful first stanza. It felt as though the entire piece could be stronger because the details felt a little abstract for now, and there was not enough time to connect with the imagery before the author moved on to another idea.

I hope the questions in the highlight act as a sort of inspiration for you to add on to the poem; for now, I feel that there's more "telling" than "showing" going on, so it seems like there's only one interpretation at times, which takes away some intrigue and freedom for readers to imagine.

Nonetheless, all in all, a commendable effort! I like how you repeated the first stanza with a different tone, thereby suggesting that there's a sort of character development within the poem i.e., from a wish to a desperate need.

Moving forward, I would suggest exploring more "show not tell", experimenting with rhythm and forms of poetry, and to not be afraid in adding details to your poem! I think that details can make a poem stand out, and though there were some details in this poem they were quite abstract (because a world like "politics" or "anger" has many connotations and varying degrees of interpretation) and thus this made it unclear as to what the narrator is trying to express.

Keep writing, keep spreading your wings of paper :D

Wishing you all the best in your writing endeavours; I look forward to you expressing more of your ideas! :)