agustdv

United Arab Emirates

[ a f r a h ]

far too nonchalant about things i should probably care about

Message from Writer

reviews pLeAsE. reviews without anything constructive are honestly a waste of your time, more than anything. be harsh or whatever when you critique me, but please do.

as for comments, they help a lot lol so if you drop a few, it would be highly appreciated.

i choke myself with perfumes to forget how you smelled

February 8, 2020

FREE WRITING

16


iii. a bottle of arabian oud smiles at me
untouched for months on my desk
i look past the quivering copper carvings
every morning 
as i hurricane myself through the house
eyes misting over the soft serene scent
i wish i could stop the swell of memories
colliding in my chest 
him, corridors
him, summers
him, fingers
him, him
him


ii. a bottle of arabian oud weeps
the fragrance of a daybreak 
and the tears of butterflies
i liked the gilded sheen glistening
on my wheat skin, honey rolls
and sesame seeds, the whiff of
you, corridors
you, summers
you, fingers
you, you
you


i. a bottle of arabian oud dies
encasing me inside its alluring aroma
the world and his wife couldn't replace
this stinging, bitter moment in time
a narcissist's mirror, glassy and true
and all i can do is think of
me, corridors
me, summers
me, fingers
me, me
me


 


im trying something new. i figured maybe i would explain it a little.

iii is about a person who isn't there anymore, which is odd because the bottle of oud smiles.
ii is about how happy the narrator is about the "him" in the previous section, but he is "you" because he exists now, right now. and the bottle of oud cries. 
i is about the before. the before anything. and how the oud bottle is dead. 


idk what i was going for tbh. lmao. please, i would like some criticism. 


 

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2 Comments
  • Anha

    oh wow, only now, on my second reading of this great poem did i realise the full extent of your olfactory imagery - you're a genius; this thread is in stanzas two and three, but not the first, as if the narrator's misery has almost seemed to remove some of her senses from her entirely. honestly, what can i say that aryelee hasn't already? your explanation in the footnotes gives just that much more significance to what you were trying to convey; it's helpful and also elaborates on the story you're telling and i think that's brilliant. this is spectacular.


    17 days ago
  • aryelee

    this is so lyrical and i love the backwards progression in time! and the repeating endings of each section is just so good. your way with words is so incredible like "i liked the gilded sheen glistening / on my wheat skin, honey rolls / and sesame seeds" broooo that's so *chefs kiss* you know? i lose my mind over your imagery every time it's so vivid and stick with me and just. this is real good


    17 days ago